


My Heart Won't Change {Hiatus}

by AuthorUnniOng



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon, Extreme dieting, Fluff, Guanlin is a good friend, Heartbreak, M/M, Multi Chapter, Non AU, OngCham, Ongniel, may involve smut at some point, oblivious Daniel, produce 101 season 2, self hate, seongwoo is going to be hurting, wanna one - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2018-04-14
Packaged: 2019-01-21 14:02:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 27,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12459273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuthorUnniOng/pseuds/AuthorUnniOng
Summary: Seongwoo and Daniel are happy and together but Seongwoo's insecurities begin to get the better of him and he begins to spiral. With his behavior becoming destructive and Daniel remaining oblivious, the other's begin take notice.But will it be soon enough to stop Seongwoo doing something dangerous?





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone,  
> Uh, I'm not too sure where this is going to go but it literally came to me and I wanted to at least get it out there to see if people are interested. This will be a multi-chaptered fic, not sure how many just yet.  
> Updates will be once a week.
> 
> \- Ong Unni :)

“Ongie Hyung!” A loud voice greeted them as Seongwoo, Minhyun, Jaehwan and Guanlin returned from their recording session that afternoon. The four of them were the last to record their parts for the comeback, everyone else had finished the day before and was allowed to take the day off. Daniel sprung up from the couch and rushed over to the small group ignoring Jisung’s eyerolling as he did so.

“Hyung! I’m glad your back, the next episode of the drama is out! I was waiting for you all day!” Daniel was practically bouncing on the spot, his eagerness causing Seongwoo to turn at least three shades pinker than he was. The younger boy took his bag from him and grabbed his hand, fingers naturally intertwining, he pulled him towards their shared bedroom without a second glance towards the other returning members.

“…Well, hello to you too Daniel, oh, no, we’re okay, you go on ahead.” Minhyun laughed, as he talked to the spot once occupied by their resident centre.

“Ha, at least you didn’t have to listen to him talking about Seongwoo’s freaking moles again... then trying to act like he wasn’t the most whipped a person has ever been. I swear he could not be more obnoxious.” Jisung shook his head as he turned back to the movie he was watching with Jihoon and Woojin.

Minhyun and Jaehwan both cackled at Jisung’s exasperation, settling into the living room, trying not to think about what was probably going on just a wall away from them.   

In the room next door Daniel seemed to be doing his very best to prove Jisung right as he pushed Seongwoo down onto his mattress, kissing him eagerly, leaving the older barely a moment to breath. His hands roamed freely along his Hyung’s lithe body. Seongwoo’s response was just as eager, his fingers raking through Daniel’s hair tugging him closer.

Daniel almost let out a growl his hands coming up to cage Seongwoo onto the mattress, his muscular body pressing down against his hyung’s slim figure. Daniel bore down his hips, grinding his crotch against Seongwoo’s eliciting a whimper that only encouraged his movements.

Seongwoo could feel his head spin and his heart pound in his chest, he loved that he had the power to make Daniel get so riled up, so frantic to touch him. Although, he also loved being able to breath and he felt the situation may get out of hand quite soon so he had to push the younger boy away slightly.

“Niel ah, calm down,” He let out a breathy laugh at the pout on the younger boy’s face, “I need to breath, why are you excited today? We were together all morning?” Seongwoo questioned with a blush.

“I missed you and besides, I’m always excited around you – no, wait, that sounds wrong I mean-” Daniel fumbled over his words a blush now decorating his cheeks. He looked a world away from the man that was about to tear Seongwoo’s clothes off just a moment ago.

Seongwoo couldn’t help but laugh, before hugging the younger boy to his chest.  Daniel squirmed in his grip but gave in nuzzling his face into the older boy’s neck, pressing his lips against the soft skin.

“Come on you overgrown puppy, lets watch the drama.” Seongwoo mumbled and ruffled the younger boy’s hair.

As they settled down under the duvet Seongwoo couldn’t ignore the way his heart was pounding, in his twenty-two years he had never felt so connected or reliant on someone else. Daniel made him feel content in a way that no girlfriend, no boyfriend, no person had ever made him feel. They had been together for months, after being in the ‘Get Ugly’ team together they were practically inseparable and Daniel had asked him officially to be his boyfriend after they had both made it into the group, but for some reason Seongwoo was still scared. He was scared that he wasn’t enough, that could and would find someone better than him, someone more talented or more attractive. He believed that Daniel deserved the world but he didn’t know if he was good enough to be just that.

Seongwoo sighed his grip on Daniel tightening as he tried not to dwell on it he had Daniel with him now and that was all that mattered.

If Daniel was with him he could face anything.


	2. Chapter 1 - Fan Videos and Forehead Kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seongwoo is tired and Guanlin wants to show him something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys,  
> As promised here is the first actual chapter, I hope you enjoy it.  
> I would appreciate any Kudos/Comments/Criticisms.  
> This is not beta'd or edited, so if there are spelling or grammar errors im sorry!!
> 
> Chapter 2 will be up next week. 
> 
> \- Ong Unni :)

“Hyung…. Seongwoo ya,”

Seongwoo could hear the familiar satoori wake him from his sleep and he couldn’t help but smile, snuggling deeper into his boyfriend’s arms.

“Seongwoo ya, hey kiddo, wake up… We have practice.” He could feel Daniel’s voice vibrating in his chest.

“Mmmmm, five more minutes…” Seongwoo mumbled his face pressed against the younger boy’s neck.

“I told Jisung Hyung five minutes about twenty minutes ago. He’ll kill us if we make them late again.” Daniel reasoned, even though he wanted to stay bundled up next to his Hyung for the rest of the day, he knew they would be dragged out sooner or later.

“But it’s cold…” Seongwoo pouted finally opening his eyes and looking up at Daniel.

“I’ll warm you up, don’t worry baby.” Daniel reassured as he untangled his limbs from Seongwoo’s and got up pulling the older boy out of the bed with him. Seongwoo stumbled a little, looking disoriented and cold in his shorts and baggy t-shirt.

“Niel ah-” his whine was cut short when Daniel lifted the brim of his large hoodie and pulled it down over his hyung’s head. Seongwoo was pressed against Daniel’s bare chest feeding off the heat that was radiating from the younger’s body. He could feel Daniel picking him up so he gave in, wrapping his legs around his waist. He could head Daniel’s muffled chuckle as he easily began to walk towards the bathroom with Seongwoo clinging to his body under his hoodie.

“What is taking you so- DANIEL FOR GODS SAKE!” Jisung began to complain as the two emerged from the bedroom, Daniel couldn’t help but laugh at his leader’s exasperated tone. He did feel slightly bad, as most of the other members were completely ready and waiting for them to finish but at that moment he felt Seongwoo’s lips latch onto chest, just above his heart, lightly nibbling at the spot. He tightened his grip on the older boy.

“But- but Hyung was cold and-”

“Then you give him a hoodie, you don’t carry him like a koala would! You have ten minutes. Go, go!” Jisung shook his head at the love-struck boy and hurried him into the bathroom.

.

The practice went by excruciatingly slow, with member’s feeling the pressure of their first comeback it was not surprising that everyone wanted that one extra run though to perfect their individual moves. Even if that meant that the practice was not entering its seventh hour with no sign of an end.

Seongwoo found himself dropping to the ground the second Jisung signalled for a break. He lay face down ignoring the grossness of the sweat covered ground in favour of how cool if felt against his hot skin.

“Hyung, here,” the voice of their maknae interrupted his silent panting. Seongwoo looked up at Guanlin, using his very limited energy to flip himself onto his back, he saw the younger boy holding out a bottle of water. He quickly grasped it uncapping the lid taking large gulps of it before pouring the remainder of its icy contents over his face.

“Ahhhhh, Guanlin, I swear, I could kiss you right now.” Seongwoo paused to looked up at the perplexed boy with a smirk, “but I won’t because my boyfriend is literally looking over at us right now and also you’re like twelve.”

“Hyung, I’m not twelve!” Guanlin complained with an uncharacteristic pout, “I don’t want to kiss you though, believe me. You’re too old.”

Guanlin stuck his tongue out, sitting down beside Seongwoo who had now started pouting himself.

“Ha! I’m not old I’m only- what? Three, four – six? Oh, god, I’m six years older than you. I _am_ old!” Seongwoo began to panic exaggeratedly grabbing his face, “I’m melting! Oh, god, I’m meltingggg.”

The two boys began to laugh loudly attracting the attention of the others close by. Daehwi threw them a look of confusion while, Minhyun looked at Seongwoo and shook his head slowly, tired of his same-aged friend’s childish behaviour.

The two boys remained oblivious and Seongwoo was happy he could mess around with the maknae like he always did. Despite the feeling of impending doom as their comeback drew near, he wanted all his members to be happy. Even if he was exhausted be would always make sure to try and keep everyone pumped and happy. He’d never admit it for fear of being called sappy but seeing everyone excited and laughing gave him all the energy he needed.

Seongwoo was snapped out of his thoughts by the maknae once again.

“Oh yeah, hyung! I wanted to show you something me and Woojin Hyung found online! It’s super cute!” Guanlin sounded excited, his Korean lilting in an endearing way. He rushed over to his bag and pulled out his iPad then scurried back, plonking down beside his Hyung once again.

“Whatever it is, if Woojin is involved it’s never a good sign.” Seongwoo teased, knowing that the dancer was listening in on the conversation.

“I heard that!”

“You were meant to!” Seongwoo sent him a finger heart before turning his attention back to the eager maknae.

“So we were looking at fan videos of ourselves, and then this came up in the suggestions.” Guanlin pressed play on a video before handing Seongwoo the tablet.

Seongwoo watched attentively as a video of him popped up on screen, he recognised that it was his audition, but someone had replaced the music with a soft piano rendition of one of his favourite songs _‘Falling Slowly’,_ he was confused for a second until the clip quickly changed to Daniel’s audition, followed by footage of the two of them running together before the show started. Seongwoo sat up focusing on the video more intently.

He watched with a smile as the clips went by quickly, showing snippets of his and Daniel’s relationship- or at least what was shown on camera, his heart fluttered as he remembered those first few moments of his initial friendship turned love with the younger boy. The clip of them crammed into the tiny vocal room with the rest of _Sorry Sorry_ Team 2, that was when he first thought he might like Daniel in a different way than the rest of the boys, the clip when they held hands during _Get Ugly,_ that night Daniel was almost inconsolable and Seongwoo just panicked and kissed him, the night of the finale when Seongwoo’s name was called out and Daniel pulled him in for a hug, that was the night he asked him to be his.

Seongwoo bit his lip as he could feel his emotions getting the better of him, a grin was plastered across his face as the video came to an end, he continued to stare at the now blank screen, tears threatening to spill. He scolded himself internally for being so emotional.

“Hyung, don’t cry!” Guanlin seemed worried for a moment, causing Seongwoo to laugh.

“I’m not crying, I was just-”

“Hyung, you are so crying!” Woojin laughed, drawing the attention of all the members who were gathering back into the practice room, “Linlin ah, you owe me Deokbokki!”

“Wait! You bet on this?” Seongwoo began to swipe at his eyes which were most definitely _not_ wet. Before he could continue he saw Daniel making his way over to the small group.

“Who made Seongwoo cry?” Daniel knelt down beside his Hyung, cupping his small face in his hands, swiping at the stray tears carefully. He looked over his shoulder at the two other boys who suddenly looked much less confident.

“I- I mean, it- it was Guanlin. Oh, Jisung hyung wants me! Bye!” Woojin turned and rushed in the opposite direction.

Guanlin opened his mouth to defend himself when Seongwoo decided to cut in and spare the well-meaning maknae.

“Niel ah, Linlin showed me this adorable video… I’m not upset I’m just being dumb and mushy.” He laughed, “I’ll show you when we get back home.”

Daniel nodded, leaning in and pressing a soft kiss on his hyung’s forehead. He then stood and held out a hand to help the older boy up so that they can return to their never-ending practice.

Seongwoo’s heart continued to flutter whenever he thought back to the video and the way it chronicled their relationship so well.

The practice eventually ended a few hours later when Daehwi and Jaehwan both refused to continue, claiming if they heard their comeback song one more time they would resign and create their own company. The others complied, if only to shut them up.

The journey home was mostly silent as everyone was exhausted and fell asleep almost instantly. Seongwoo curled up against Daniel’s chest listening to his boyfriend’s heartbeat and playing with his fingers.

Once they arrived back at the dorm everyone dispersed with a quick ‘ _Goodnight’_ and settled down to sleep.

“Hey baby, show me that video now I’m curious.” Daniel asked once they had gotten changed and ready for bed.

Seongwoo complied happily, handing Daniel the tablet he had borrowed from Guanlin. He watched as the younger boy immediately began to smile, his grin becoming impossibly big as he watched the familiar images flash across the screen.

“Baby, this is adorable… I love you.” Daniel said without hesitation.

“I love you too, I didn’t make the video myself-”

“I know, I love you though. I really love you.” Daniel interrupted as the video came to a close. He pulled in the older boy for a hug, before pressing his lips against his. This kiss was gentle, not like the ones where they were excitable and hungry for each other, ready to tear each other’s clothes off, no, this kiss was one of the soft ones, the ones that Daniel saved for their sleepy moments, or their emotional moments where Daniel would do his best to wrap himself around the older, cocooning him in a layer of comfort.

Seongwoo leant into the kiss trying to figure out what he could have done in a previous life for him to be allowed to have someone like Daniel.

_I must have been a saint. Or an angel. I don’t deserve someone like Daniel._

Daniel finally pulled away, giving him a peck on his forehead before deciding it was time for bed.

“Actually, I’m gonna stay in my bed tonight. I wanna watch more cute videos for a bit. I’ll let you sleep though Niel ah.”

“If you’re sure, baby.” Daniel didn’t argue too much as he was far too sleepy for the conversation so instead he just nodded, drowsily climbing into bed.    

Seongwoo settled in, watching one video after another, he loved them so much, it was like his heart grew every time he watched a new fan video of them, seeing the fans interpretation of their relationship. He noticed that most of the clips they used were the same, often a new compilation of the few iconic moments on the show. Seongwoo was okay with that though as he knew they were more of an off-screen couple.

As he scrolled down the feed he spotted a video with a different title, ‘ _WinkNiel – Loving you’_ he paused before muffling a laugh.

_WinkNiel? As in Jihoon and Daniel? No way._

He knew it was just the fans interpretation but fans could and did make Baekhyun and Obama a valid looking ship. They could make anything look real and yet he couldn’t resist watching it. What was the harm? It would be hilarious to tell the others in the morning.

So, he took a deep breath and clicked on the video.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all liked it!  
> As you can see things are still pretty happy and fluffy in ongniel land but unfortunately next chapter will change that. The angst will gradually get fed into the story as the chapters go by.  
> I would appreciate any Kudos/Comments/Criticisms.
> 
> I'll see y'all next week with chapter 2!!


	3. Chapter 2 - Small and Cute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seongwoo wishes he hadn't clicked the video.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 is out, I hope you all enjoy it.  
> It's a day late but had crazy amount of uni work.  
> It will be on time next week.

He shouldn’t have clicked it. And he definitely shouldn’t have clicked the second one. Or the third. There was just so much.

His moments were a limited few; _Sorry Sorry_ waiting room, holding hands during _Get Ugly,_ and their hug during the finale. The rest was just assumed glances from across the room or things that they had said that fans had theorised were about each other.

But Jihoon… every fan video had different moments.

He had started the first video smiling, a fan had captured a moment at one of their fan meetings where the two were playing with bubbles. It was cute. Jihoon looked adorable without even trying. Then, they were hugging at the produce finale. Then, they were dancing and messing around at the end of one of their concerts, the confetti fluttering around them like cherry blossoms. Then they were at a fan meeting again, this time they were taking picture and pouting as if about to kiss each other.

Seongwoo’s smile fell. _It meant nothing, they’re good friends. Don’t be dumb, Seongwoo ya, wake up._

He clicked the next video.

This time it was a clip from one of their radio interviews, it seemed like it was one of the ones that only Daniel, Jihoon and Minhyun had appeared on, he watched on as the MC asked,

“OOO-nim asked ‘Daniel Oppa, you once said you liked a girl that would fit under your arm perfectly, what is your ideal visual type?”

“Ooh,” Daniel looked flustered at the question, “I like all styles, visuals aren’t that important to me, I like someone fun-”

“Don’t be shy Daniel-shii, everyone has an ideal type,” the MC urged. Seongwoo found himself tense.

“I suppose, I like cute visuals. Someone small, I can protect. Like, pretty eyes and cute smile… someone I could stare at and never get bored.”

_Small and cute?_

Seongwoo was now frowning, he scrolled down to the comments to anonymously take out his anger but he faltered at what he found.

_Daebak, he’s totally staring at Jihoon…_

_Wow. Niel ah… so obvious…_ _ㅋㅋㅋㅋ_  

_Anyone else think he has to be talking about Jihoon?_

_NielWink is strong._ _ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ_

_ㅋㅋㅋ OngNiel ship just took a hit… rise NielWink!!_

He bit his lip and furiously began to type;

_He just stated a generic type… you are all delusional NielWink is bullshit._

He didn’t feel any better as he hit send, in fact it felt like someone was slowly pressing down on his chest. The weight was getting heavier but he couldn’t help himself he pressed another video. Someone had collected all the different times that Daniel and Jihoon held hands or hugged, the video was 20 minutes long.

 _Why is there so much?_ His heart was sinking, he had always had that small voice in the back of his head, wondering if he was good enough for Daniel, wondering if the younger boy would get bored of him. He had always ignored it. Daniel told him he loved him every single day. Every single day from the moment they had gotten together.

He knew Daniel loved him.

_But what if he is getting ready to move on? Love can change, it can fade._

He looked over at his sleeping boyfriend who saw mumbling and cuddling a seal plushie. A smile tugged on the corners of his lips.

 _No, this is dumb. Come on, Seongwoo._ He shook his head adamantly.

 Seongwoo tossed the tablet to the end of his bed and scurried into Daniel’s. He would never look at fan videos again. _Never._ He pressed himself against Daniel, the younger one instinctively opening his arms up and enveloping him in his familiar grip.

“You okay, baby?” Daniel’s voice was soft and half asleep 

“Mmmhmmm,” Seongwoo mumbled, “Just sleep.”

Daniel didn’t need to be told twice, pulling Seongwoo practically onto his chest he quickly fell back to sleep, his breath fanning against the older boy’s cheek.

Seongwoo lay there, listening to Daniel’s heartbeat trying to force himself to sleep. As he slowly began to drift, he tried to ignore the little voice in the back of his mind that seemed to be louder than it once was.

.

The next morning, they had an early interview on a radio station. This time the entire group had been invited, so the dorm was in chaos at the crack of dawn. Seongwoo watched as his members ran in and out of the bedroom, throwing on clothes and chatting excitedly. The maknae line were particularly hyper, aside from Jihoon the younger members hadn’t been put out on many variety shows or appearances so they must have been excited to have a whole group schedule. Seongwoo laughed at their adorable eagerness; Jinyoung and Daehwi were sat on the couch next to Seongwoo practicing their personal talents, while Woojin pretended not to be excited but he could see the snaggle toothed boy muttering his self-introduction under his breath. Daniel rushed out of their bedroom, buttoning up a shirt on his way to the bathroom, he stopped in front of Seongwoo giving him a quick peck on the forehead followed by _I love you_ before rushing on with getting ready, leaving the older boy warm and wanting more.

“Seongwoo ah,” he was snapped out of his thoughts by Jisung who was ready and had been handing the members kimbap rolls.

“Yeah, Hyung?” He looked up, fixing his hair as he spoke.

“Here,” He held out a roll, “We don’t have time for anything proper by manager Hyung these up for us.”

Seongwoo reached out but stopped short. _I like cute visuals. Someone small, I can protect._ The words rang in his mind. He didn’t care about the interview, it didn’t mean anything, he knew Daniel loved him but it wouldn’t hurt to lose a few pounds, would it?

“Ah, hyung. I’m fine. I was really hungry last night so I made ramen after everyone fell asleep. I probably shouldn’t.” He lied, with a fake look of guilt.

Jisung frowned, “Seongwoo ah, you know you shouldn’t eat so late. It’ll make your face bloat.” He scolded lightly, retracting the roll and moving to the maknae’s without questioning him further. Seongwoo ignored the quiet rumble of his stomach instead getting up to help Guanlin put on the choker he fumbling with.

They journey was short and Seongwoo spent it playing a mobile game with Daniel and Woojin, the pair laughing and shouting at his miserable attempts at gaming. In the end, he gave up, resting his head on Daniel’s shoulder and watching him play, masterfully beating the level in a few moments.

They arrived at the radio station soon after, filling into the small recording studio and greeting the host with their usual enthusiasm.

“All I wanna do! Wanna One! Hello, we are Wanna One.” They chanted before bowing deeply.

“Aigoo, you’re all so handsome. Sit down, let’s get started!” The host was a comedian that Seongwoo admired - Lee Gukjoo- she beamed at the them as she gestured to the seats that had been crammed into the room.

They all began to sit down, Daniel sitting in the middle, Seongwoo moved to sit on the seat beside him only to be tugged back gently by Guanlin reminding him of their fixed positions. He sighed as he sat down next to the maknae, but made sure to smile at him reassuringly, he truly loved Guanlin, he was like the younger brother he always wanted, he didn’t need the younger boy to feel like he didn’t want to sit with him. It was more that he wanted to sit with Daniel for once. He glanced over to the seat that he had been about to sit in to see that- of course, Jihoon was sat there, sharing a mic with _his_ boyfriend because he came second, not Seongwoo.

 _No, don’t be like this._ He bit his lip, he wasn’t bitter and he definitely wasn’t jealous.

He managed to at least try to snap out of it, going all out for his introduction, throwing out his best impressions and answering the questions with his best material, yet something was gnawing at him that he couldn’t shake. He knew his grin faltered every time the focus was off him.

“Okay, we are back from the break. That was Wanna One’s Energetic and I am very lucky today because I have all eleven members in the studio with me!” Gukjoo exclaimed, “We’re gonna move onto a fan question segment now. We have 101 seconds on the clock and I’m gonna try and get through everyone so get ready!”

All the members perked up, preparing to answer the mostly predictable questions that would be coming their way.

“Okay, START! This is from Kim Minji-nim, Daehwi can you say something to me in English, I love you!” Gukjoo started.

“Oh, um… Minji ah, I love you too. Please continue to support me and Wanna One!”

“Okay that was great! Minhyun this is from Yerin-nim, she says can you sing ‘Marry you to her?”

Minhyun immediately begins to sing, his soft voice filling all the members with warmth, he ends it with a quick heart thrown at the camera and Gukjoo squeals dramatically before moving on.

“That probably killed a lot of fans,” She laughed, “Okay this next one speaks for a lot of older fans I think, Min Sejin-nim says ‘Woojin ah, this Noona is your biggest fan, can you say something to me in your satoori?’ Woah, thank you Sejin-nim. Let’s hear it Woojin shii.”

Woojin blushes slightly under the sudden attention but pull out his best, “Sejin ah, I don’t wanna call you Noona anymore so why don’t you call me Oppa?” He winked at the camera.

Seongwoo along with the other members began to cackle, booing at the younger boy’s cheesiness.

“That was so great, Woojin shii, you’re stealing Noona’s hearts everywhere. Okay, ooh this is a big one. Daniel shii, this is for you.”

Seongwoo sat up slightly, looking over at his boyfriend.

“Youngji-nim asks, ‘Daniel Oppa, I like you lots but I’m three years younger than you. Can you give me some hope and tell me your ideal type?’ Daniel shii this is a big one, what’s your ideal style?”

Seongwoo focused completely on Daniel, noting the way he looked adorably flustered. He wouldn’t say the same thing again, would he? The other interview was at the start of their relationship, but now they had been together for months, he would say something that was similar to Seongwoo, right?

 “Uhhh, well, I guess. I like cuter visuals. Like small and cute, I like being able to protect someone if I am with them.” Daniel reasoned, a pink tinge covering his face.

Seongwoo knew that his expression must have faltered, he looked down at his lap, clenching and unclenching his fingers nervously before another hand stopped him. He looked up to see it was Guanlin, the younger boy had a concerned look on his face but didn’t question him choosing to silently intertwine their fingers instead. Seongwoo tuned back into the conversation, only Jihoon, him and Guanlin remained.

“Jihoon-shii, this one is from a male fan. Ooh that’s unusual, Song Jaemin-nim asks ‘Jihoon-ah, this Hyung is starting his military service and won’t be able to see you anymore can you send me some aegyo to keep me strong?”

Jihoon blushes at the male fan’s request but quickly obliges.

“Jaemin Hyung-nim, I saved you in my heart! Kkukkuu KkaKka!” He coo’s throwing the camera one of his iconic winks. The studio erupts in claps, which Seongwoo follows, his eyes drifting to his boyfriend who was gazing at Jihoon with a soft grin.

“Ahh, so cute!” Daniel ruffled the younger boy’s hair.

Seongwoo’s hands curled into fists as he watched on from behind them, his heart was hurting. What was Daniel doing? He closed his eyes and took a deep breath and noticed that once again their youngest was comforting him with concerned eyes and slender fingers wrapped around his fist.

 .

At the end of the interview their manager decided to treat them and bring them to a BBQ spot near their dorm before taking them back to practice. Everyone cheered at that, piling into the van, Daniel was one of the first to get in securing his seat in the middle row, leaving the spot beside him for Seongwoo, as he always did. Which was why he was so confused when the older climbed past him and settled in the cramped back row between Guanlin and Sungwoon.

“Seongwoo ya?” Daniel called his head cocked to the side, like a confused puppy. In that moment Seongwoo hated how adorable the younger boy was. He wanted to yell at him there and then but that face and those playful eyes caused him to mutter something about being sleepy then pretend to pass out on Guanlin’s shoulder.

He didn’t eat at the restaurant, nibbling on some vegetation and adamantly refusing anything Daniel tried to offer him.

“I had a big breakfast. I’m still full from the kimbap.” He argued, missing the way Jisung glanced at him with concern.

“Seongwoo ya, is everything okay?” Daniel asked. Most of the table looked over at them, they could sense something was odd about Seongwoo, he was always one of the loudest at the table, always joining in on the maknae’s mischief, making the others laugh. Yet today, he spent the whole time staring at his plate. He even missed an opportunity to tease Jaehwan with Minhyun.

“Of course, I’m just tired. I couldn’t sleep last night…” He rambled, suddenly standing up, “You know what I think I’m gonna go nap in the van till everyone’s done.”

He hurried out the door and into the van slamming the door shut behind him. Taking his phone out he tried to take his mind off everything when he noticed he had four notifications on YouTube. Confused he pressed the app and watched as it pulled up the video he watched the previous evening.

His comment had gotten four replies.

_@OngsOngsOngsNiel Typical OngNiel fan, you’re so blind. He clearly adores Jihoon!!_ _ㅋㅋㅋ_

 

_@OngsOngsOngsNiel Wow ‘Generic type?’ Clearly you don’t follow them properly. He always says the same thing. Dumb Bitch._ _ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ_

 

_@OngsOngsOngsNiel_ _They are destined 1 st and 2nd place. Ong can’t compare._

 

_@OngsOngsOngsNiel Ong may like Daniel but Daniel can only see Jihoon_ _ㅋㅋ_

He deleted his comment with a shaky hand and crawled into the back seat of the van, pulling his knee’s up to his chest, trying his best not to let his tears escape.

 

_Maybe he doesn’t love me?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoy this!  
> Please leave Kudos/Comments it will only encourage me to write more and write faster. 
> 
>  
> 
> \- Ong Unni


	4. Chapter 3 - Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Seongwoo begins to spiral, he finds comfort in two of his members.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy,  
> I hope you all enjoy chapter three :)  
> It's slightly late but uni is really kicking my ass recently.  
> I will still be trying to upload once a week (from the time of each upload)
> 
> \- Ong Unni

Guanlin was anxious, he kept staring at the restaurant’s entrance. He knew something was wrong with Seongwoo and whatever it was he didn’t want to tell even Daniel about it, since the boy in question was currently obviously chatting to Jihoon and Daehwi about their interview. After a few moments, Guanlin thought everyone was distracted enough for him to leave without drawing attention.

“Linlin ah, wait!” Woojin called out as he approached the van, speeding up to catch up to him. Guanlin winced as he turned to greet him.

“Hyung? Aren’t you staying with the others?”

“Nah, the older ones decided to get a drink and Jihoon and Daehwi are battling for Jinyoung’s attention. I’m gonna play some games in the van.” Woojin grinned, as they got to the van he grabbed the handle.

“Hyung, wai-”

He was cut off by a muffled sob coming from inside their van. They looked at each other startled, before Guanlin pushed past Woojin and pulled the door open, climbing inside without a second thought. There, on the backseat, he found Seongwoo; the older boy was curled in on himself, hugging his knees to his chest, his face was a mess of tears, skin pink and raw from being rubbed. He looked horrified that he had been discovered his hand clamped over his mouth in an attempt to quiet his own cries.

Guanlin was frozen for a moment his heart pounding as their eyes met. He felt Woojin climb in after him hearing a loud gasp from the boy who clearly hadn’t realised anything was wrong before that moment.

“Seongwoo Hyung? What- hyung, what’s wrong?” Woojin’s voice was panicked, as he shut the van door behind him, watching as Guanlin clambered into the back seat and pulled the older boy into his arms.

Seongwoo couldn’t respond, he was trying to calm down yet his body didn’t want to listen to him. He must have sounded hysterical, fits of tears spilling from his eyes as he latched onto their maknae, his breath coming out in short gasps. He couldn’t breathe.

“Hyung,” Guanlin’s voice was in his ear, “please Hyung, what’s wrong?” the younger boy rubbed his back soothingly. He tried to pull away to look at Seongwoo but the older one refused, his eyes clamped shut and his mind filling with thought’s he couldn’t escape from.

_Pathetic. You’re supposed to be a reliable Hyung and look at you. Daniel’s going to leave you. Why would he want to be with a mess like you?_

“I- I’m gonna go get Niel Hyung.” Woojin’s voice was what broke through the bubble of his anxieties. _No._

“No! N-no! Woojin, please don’t get Daniel. Please.” Seongwoo rambled as he finally looked up from Guanlin’s shoulder.

Woojin looked confused and concerned, a frown creasing his forehead.

“I’ll get Jisung Hyung then.”

“No, please… I’m fine.” Seongwoo tried to pull away from the maknae, wiping his face furiously. “I’m fine. Seriously… I’m fine.”

An uncomfortable silence filled the van.

“Hyung… did one of the members do something?” Seongwoo could tell Woojin was uncomfortable even asking that question because he knew none of them would intentionally hurt another.

“What? No, of course not.” _Not yet._

“Hyung I’ve been watching you all day. I know something’s wrong. Please just tell us, we won’t say anything. To anyone.” Guanlin reassured as Woojin nodded, although he felt very close to running out the van and finding someone older, more capable, to help his Hyung.

Seongwoo’s grip tightened on his phone, he couldn’t explain it to them. He would look so stupid trying to explain that he was crying over fan comments, even as trainees they were taught to ignore the words of netizens and here he was unable to function because of them.

“I- it’s nothing. I promise, I just feel a bit ill.”

“Hyung.”

“It’s stupid, it’s just...” Seongwoo muttered. Woojin reached over and squeezed his arm comfortingly and nodded in encouragement for him to continue, “I saw something I shouldn’t have and now I can’t bring myself to function normally.”

“What did you see?” Guanlin asked.

Seongwoo wordlessly handed over the phone, his gaze cast down.

Guanlin took the phone, unlocking it and looking at the open webpage. He could feel Woojin leaning over him both their eyes scanning over the comments- the cruel words their supposed fans had left. They knew that of course the commenters didn’t know the truth about Seongwoo and Daniel but the comments were harsh regardless. Woojin could feel the irritation building as read more and more stupid comments insulting Seongwoo; calling him attention seeking, saying he was trying to use Daniel, and worst of all saying that Jihoon belonged with Daniel instead of him. The snaggletoothed boy knew that his same-aged friend would be mortified to see people claiming to be his fans insulting his Hyung.

“Hyung, this doesn’t mean anything, Daniel Hyung loves you. He’s completely obsessed with you.” Guanlin reassured, while simultaneously clicking ‘report’ on every one of the malicious comments he had read.

Seongwoo was still struggling to calm himself, his tears had stopped, yet his heart was pounding. He could hear Guanlin speak, he knew what Guanlin was saying was true, because of course it was, but he couldn’t stop that voice in his head, those images, those comments.

 _You’re not good enough for Daniel. You just aren’t._ Seongwoo thought about the interview and Daniel, it was true that the comments were ignorant but the commenters didn’t force Daniel to say anything. He said his ideal type and it _wasn’t_ Seongwoo.

“-se, say something, Hyung!” Guanlin sounded panicked and it was enough to pull him out of his thoughts.

“I’m gonna call the company, we can get them to sue these people. They can’t think it’s okay to talk about you like this.” Woojin looked mad. Seongwoo worried momentarily that he might storm off and cause a scene on his behalf but the younger boy surprised him by climbing over the seat and joining him and Guanlin in the back, his arms wrapping tightly around Seongwoo’s body. The two younger boys almost cocooned him completely, and in that moment, Seongwoo truly felt their love. Not the kind of love he felt with Daniel, a different kind of love, a pure one, one that he thought he would feel towards a brother, towards family. He felt his breathing steadying.

They stayed liked that for a while, no one said anything, Woojin was rubbing comforting circles in Seongwoo’s back, while Guanlin was playing with his fingers.

The sound of approaching footsteps broke the trio from their momentary calm, Seongwoo immediately sat up, he looked a mess, he couldn’t have Daniel see him like this.

“Just lie down, we’ll say you fell asleep.” Woojin reassured. Seongwoo complied just in time as the door was thrown open and the rest of their members piled in cheerily. He closed his eyes and rested his head on their maknae’s legs.

He could hear moment and Jihoon and Jinyoung chatting excitedly about something.

“Linlin ah, Woojin Hyung! Guess what?” Daehwi exclaimed as soon as he sat down, “We have the afternoon off! Our manager has a family thing so the company let us rest since we are starting promotions next week!”

“Really? That’s so good!” Woojin exclaimed.

“Where’s Seongwoo?” Daniel’s voice was low, Seongwoo tensed.

“He’s back here Hyung, he was feeling really ill. We let him sleep.” Guanlin explained.

There was a pause and Seongwoo could hear shuffling until suddenly there were fingers running gently through his fringe and it too everything within him not to lean into the touch.

“I should have come out and checked on you, kiddo.” Daniel’s voice was soft, filled with concern.

“Aish! Stop being so cheesy, Niel ah. Let him sleep.” Jisung complained from towards the front of the van causing the younger members to erupt into giggles.

The journey back to the dorm was loud, full of burst of excited singing, laugher and playful arguing. When they returned to the dorm Seongwoo could hear everyone pile out and he prepared to ‘wake up’ when he heard Daniel’s voice again.

“hey, here Woojin, I’ll take him.”

Without waiting for a response, he felt himself being lifted from the back seat and into Daniel’s arms. The younger boy carried him gently, clearly trying not to move him around a lot. His head was rested against, his chest and he could inhale that familiar scent that made his heart flutter and his head swim every time he is near it.

He was placed softly onto a bed, he felt his shoes being tugged off as well as his outer shirt and jeans. He felt the duvet being lowered over him and movement followed by the bed dipping at his side.

Daniel’s hand cupped his face as his thumb traced over his moles. He began to speak quietly.

“Seongwoo ya, I’m so sorry. I should have noticed that you were sick.” He sighed, “I know there’s something else too, even if you aren’t ready to say anything, I hope you know I’m here. I’m here and I love you.”

Seongwoo felt like he wanted to cry again, he didn’t deserve Daniel. Yet he knew he was too selfish to give him up yet. That was when an idea came to him; if he was going to keep Daniel, he had to change. If Daniel wanted someone small and cute then he could be that for him.

_You can do it Seongwoo, for him you can do anything._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked it please leave Kudos/Comment, it really motivates me to write faster and lets me know that people actually like this story :))
> 
> Thank you!


	5. Chapter 4 - To Be Perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seongwoo has a plan.

Seongwoo stood on the scale in the Wanna One dorm bathroom, watching the little red pointer flicker between 63 and 64kg. His shoulders slumped as the pointer finally halted at 64kg. Seongwoo shut his eyes and took a deep breath, stepping off the scale and stripped off his clothes. He was wearing thick clothes. _That must be it._ He slinked out of Daniels oversized hoodie and piled it on the side of the sink with the rest of his clothes.  He stepped back on the cold plastic square and watched as the red pointer flew up the same way it did before, this time stopping just above 63kg. He bit his lip, wincing. How did he let this happen? He’d dropped to 58kg just before the Produce 101 finale and just a few months later he put on 5kg. He was too relaxed, that was it. He let himself go and now he was paying.

He took a step back and staring at his reflection in the mirror, his eyes scanning his body, his hands resting against his stomach. Seongwoo had never been overweight but he also never had a six pack, he’d never been able to maintain it, and he’d never had the exceptionally slim figure that Daehwi had either, he had always just been on hovering on the line of average. But that wasn’t enough. Not for someone like Daniel. Daniel could have anyone, why would he settle for average? He needed to be perfect.

57kg. That’s the goal. He decided that the deadline would be their comeback. He would look good for the fans and the company and he would stop Daniel from leaving him.

_One week._

_I can do it. I can. For him._

 He shrugged on his clothes, immediately feeling better as he was engulfed with Daniel’s scent. He left the bathroom and trudged into his shared bedroom grabbing his bag from under his bunk and took it into the kitchen. Luckily no one was around, Daniel, Minhyun and Jihoon had a radio schedule, the rest of the maknae line had school, and Jaehwan, Jisung and Sungwoon were finalising their vocals on their comeback track. He was alone. He tipped his bag emptying all the cookies and snacks he had previously bought into the bin; he couldn’t be weak. If he was going to do this, he needed to be strong. He opened his section of the cupboards and took out all the snacks, ramen and beer he had. He threw out the snacks, sharing the ramen amongst the maknae lines cupboards, and moving the beer onto Sungwoon’s shelf in the fridge.  

Ignoring the rumble in his stomach he grabbed a handful of carrot sticks and a bottle of water, settling into the couch and opening his iPad.

_‘Idol Diets’_ He googled. Nothing useful appeared. 

_‘Fast Idol Diets’_ He clicked on a few links, but there was nothing doable, forums full of people talking about drinking only water, or exercising for 6 hours every day. He already practically did that, their practices almost always ran that long, most of them longer.

He tried the final link on the first page.

_‘One Cup diet’_ He read the details. “Simple. Only eat what fits into a paper cup for each meal.”

_This might work._

.

Daniel returned an hour later. He was wearing a checked shirt and a black beanie that Seongwoo had bought him when they had first started to date. He’d laughed when he pointed it out, it was decorated with a grinning peach emoji that was reminiscent of Daniel in his early Produce 101 days. He’d insisted on buying it, stating that the younger boy couldn’t abandon his branding now that he was a star.  

Seongwoo watched from couch as Daniel ambled in, chucking is things on the floor by the door and making his way into the kitchen. It was clear the younger boy hadn’t noticed his Hyung, so he decided to have a little fun with him. He got up stealthily and crept over to the breakfast bar making sure that his steps were silent. He watched for a moment ad Daniel pulled out a pack of ramen and turned on the kettle, he waited another moment before pouncing.

“WOAHH, DANIEL OPPAR! OMO SO MANLY!” Seongwoo screamed in a high-pitched voice clinging to Daniel’s back. The younger boy jumped roughly a mile in the air clutching his chest.

“What the fu- Hyung?!” Daniel began angrily, immediately softening when he saw his hyung. Seongwoo began to laugh manically, rivalling Jaehwan’s psycho laugh.

“Your face!” He gasped between laughs.

“Hyung… you scared the shit out of me!” Daniel whined, pouting childishly.

“I’m sorry, Niel ah, I couldn’t resist.” He apologised even though it was clear how hilarious he found it. He leaned in pecking Daniel on the corner of his mouth. “You’re so cute when you’re frightened.”

Daniel frowned but didn’t comment, pulling Seongwoo in for a proper kiss, his hands coming up to cup his small face, stroking the constellation of moles that were smattered on his cheek. Seongwoo let himself melt in Daniel’s grip.

After what felt like a lifetime, Daniel pulled away slightly, his eyes hooded and a smirk growing on his lips.

“Are we alone?” His voice was low, and Seongwoo felt a shiver run down his spine. He didn’t understand how Daniel could go from adorably frightened to looking like a wolf hunting down his prey. Seongwoo managed a small nod.

“Good.”

Seongwoo was suddenly lifted and placed onto the table with one quick movement, and Daniel attacked his lips once more, this time parting his lips and immediately deepening their kiss. Seongwoo wrapped his arms around Daniel’s neck while the younger gripped his hoodie tightly, taking his spot in the space between his legs and pulling him flush against his chest. Seongwoo’s heart hammered in his chest, Daniel tasted like gummy bears, his soft lips moulding against his own. He let out a surprised whine as Daniel suddenly bucked forward, grinding his arousal against Seongwoo’s crotch. His large hands slipped under Seongwoo’s jumper, fingers ghosting over his sides then grasping at his hips. Seongwoo couldn’t help but moan breaking away from Daniel to catch his breath, his head dropping to Daniel’s shoulder, eyes shut tightly as the younger continued to rut against him. The air around them was getting thicker, he felt hot all over, small whimpers escaping his lips.

“Fuck, baby, I love you. God, I want you.” Daniel’s voice was all but a growl in his ear. Seongwoo knew where this was going, and he wanted nothing more than to let Daniel take him there and then, propped up against the table in the middle of their dorm. He pressed his lips against Daniels neck and wrapped his legs around his waist. Daniel’s fingers worked quickly, undoing Seongwoo’s pants and began to pull at his jumper.

That was when Seongwoo’s eyes flew open, his arms flying to hold down the edge of his jumper before he even realised. Daniel was unaware for a second, lost in the moment, eyes closed.

“Stop!” His voice was louder than he had intended.

Daniel halted immediately, pulling his hands away as if had been burnt. He eyed Seongwoo with concern, returning to his puppy-like personality in an instant.

“Hyung? What’s wrong?” He cupped the older boy’s face, gently as if he thought he would break him. “Did I do something wrong? I thought-” He paused as if unsure what to say next?”

Seongwoo felt the guilt flooding him as he tried to figure out how to explain it. It wasn’t Daniel’s fault. Of course, it wasn’t. He just didn’t want him to see him until he was perfect. They had had sex before, just once. It was the night after the finale and since then they hadn’t had a chance, there was always someone in the dorm, or their schedules didn’t match and now Seongwoo had to get back to the way he was so that he wouldn’t disappoint him.    

“No, of course not, Niel ah. I just don’t think we should do anything in here, the members will be back soon…” He trailed off, hoping that was a good enough excuse.

Daniel paused for a moment before leaning in and pecking him on the nose. “You’re right Hyung, I guess I was just caught up in you. Let’s just cuddle on the couch, how about that?”

Seongwoo’s couldn’t help the smile that came to his face, he nodded slightly and let Daniel intertwine their fingers pulling him towards the living room.

The maknae line who had gone to school were the first to arrive back at the dorm. They entered loudly, chattering away about their day but they soon fell silent as they saw the pair on the sofa. They were met with their two hyungs, fast asleep in each other’s arms, with Seongwoo curled into Daniel’s side and Daniel’s face buried in his hyung’s messy hair.

Daehwi let out a quiet squeal, whispering about how adorable the two were and how he wanted to be like that too. Jinyoung nodded shyly glancing at the younger boy who soon dragged him away to their shared bedroom.

This left Guanlin and Woojin, looking onto the scene with unreadable expressions.

“Do you think Hyung is okay now?” Guanlin asked quietly, the concern clear in his voice.

“I’m not sure… I don’t think you can be okay so soon after having a moment like that, I’m worried he’ll try to do something stupid… I think we should watch him.” Woojin responded, concern clear on his face.

Guanlin nodded in agreement, “I don’t think he’s said anything to Daniel Hyung, he would have torn down YMC to get them to find those commenters already.”

“Yeah, and I don’t think he would like it if we went behind his back and told people. So, I think it’s up to us for now.”

Guanlin nodded, he felt determined, Seongwoo was one of his closest hyung and he wasn’t going to let him get hurt.

“We’ll look after Hyung.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter,   
> Please feel free to comment/kudos, it lets me know that people are actually enjoying this story and really motivates me to continue writing. 
> 
> Next chapter up in a week :)


	6. Chapter 5 - Soju

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanna One get a day off before their promotions start, a plan to have some fun goes wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys,  
> This chapter is a little earlier than usual. I thought I'd get out an update in case i couldn't do one later on. I have an essay due at the end of next week so I probably wont be able to update the next chapter till after that.  
> I hope you all enjoy.  
> As usual comments/Kudos really motivate me to write faster.  
> \- Ong Unni

Seongwoo was struggling. It had been three days and he didn’t know how much more he could take. There were too many issues. He couldn’t concentrate on anything but the low ache of his stomach, he kept getting their new choreography wrong and stumbling over his own feet. Even worse, he was sure that Guanlin and Woojin knew what he was trying to do. They began this habit of sitting on either side of him when they ate, watching his every move, piling food onto his plate even though he tried to refuse. It was irritating. So far he’d managed to either wait them out or give the food on to Daehwi, claiming the maknae needed it more than him. It was already hard enough watching the rest of the members fill their plates, the smell of pork belly, fried chicken or ramen floating around him, he didn’t need it to be tested ever further. He’d stick to the side dishes; just a few spoonfuls, nothing with meat, and a couple of spoonsful of rice, it was bland and never seemed to satisfy the endless throbbing of his stomach.

The very worst thing however, was that it wasn’t working. Not fast enough. In three days he had only lost just over a kilo. There was only four days till their comeback and he needed to step things up.

“Hyung! Hyung! Are you in here?” a loud voice broke through his thoughts.

“Hmm? What’s up?” He called back not moving from his position.

The door was cracked open and Jaehwan poked his head in.

“We were- oh, Hyung why is it so dark in here?” Jaehwan asked fumbling for the light switch before flicking it on. Seongwoo winced at the sudden light covering his eyes with his arms.

“What do you want, Jaehwan?” he replied tiredly. They had been given 48 hours off before their promotions had kicked in and while the others had been excited he was just grateful that he wouldn’t have to practice at least for a couple of days. The pains were worse today than they were earlier and he just wanted to lie down in the dark and ignore the world.

“Uh, well no one has a schedule so we were gonna have a little meeting to see what we can do, the others told me to get you,” Jaehwan seemed surprised by his tone didn’t acknowledge it.

“Oh, okay.” Seongwoo knew it would be weird if he didn’t join them so he bit his lip and sat up, taking a deep breath and stood to follow Jaehwan out of the room.

He walked in seeing that everyone had gathered; most of the hyungs on the couch and the younger ones dotted around the coffee table. They all looked up as he entered.

“Seongwoo, you’re awake. Good, good.” Jisung welcomed him.

Jaehwan walked over to a spot near Minhyun’s legs and leant back against them. Seongwoo hovered for a moment.

“Seongwoo yah, over here.” Daniel spoke immediately, making grabbing motions towards the older boy. He hesitated only for a moment before going over to him, letting the younger pull him into his lap. He felt him nuzzle his face against the back of his neck, placing a soft kiss at his nape. “Baby, are you okay? You look pale.” He whispered, not wanting to draw too much attention to the older boy.

Seongwoo nodded with a small smile, “I was sleeping, that’s why, Niel ah, I’m okay.”

Daniel looked like he wanted to argue but was cut off.

“Right! So, we all know why we are here, what are we going to do to make the most of the next two days.” Jisung addressed the group. “Sungwoon and Jaehwan came up with an idea for today that I’m not quite on board with but I thought they should at least get a chance to pitch it to everyone.”

Jaehwan moved so he was standing in front of the television and began to speak in an excited tone, “One word for you my dear members: karaoke. There’s a place that’s just down the road and it’s not busy, especially if we go there during the day and don’t leave till it closes. It’s a bit small but we can make do. I asked the manager and he said he could pick up some chicken for us when we want to eat and of course we can buy some beer-”

  “No alcohol!” Jisung interrupted.

“No alcohol, yes, I got that but think about it this way, we won’t be able to drink till after promotions. Besides it was Woojin’s birthday last week and we didn’t get to do anything. So, hear me out Jihoon and Woojin are adults this year, let’s have our first drink with them.” Sungwoon backed Jaehwan up. “The minors can have juice…”

“Hey!” This time Daehwi interrupted in a huff. “We can’t have juice let us drink too!”

“That’s a hard pass from me.” Jisung spoke up again, with crossed arms.

“It’s not fair none of rest of the minors will be adults while we are still in Wanna One.” He pouted with big eyes and a quivering bottom lip, that could melt the iciest heart.

Everyone else began to chip in starting an argument between the two sides. Seongwoo didn’t comment either way, he didn’t particularly want to go anywhere, especially if it meant he would be stuck in a small room surrounded by people eating chicken and drinking beer. Two things he couldn’t do right now. But then again, he thought, if he was drunk it might numb the pain…

“Okay, wait,” Daniel suddenly spoke up from under Seongwoo, startling him for a moment. “How about a compromise? The minors can have one drink. Nothing stronger than beer- hey come on Hyung, don’t give me that look, you let me drink when I was underage!”

Jisung looked scandalised that Daniel had brought that up causing everyone to crack up laughing. In the end, he conceded.

“FINE, I’ll think about it, but I swear. One drink. ONE DRINK and that’s it. I’m looking at you Lee Daehwi.” Jisung threatened.

“Of course Hyungnim, would I ever disobey you?”

.

Everyone was wasted.

Daniel was tipsy. Well, more than tipsy, he was one drink from needing subtitles when he spoke. The day had spiralled unexpectedly. Everything was fine for the first hour or so, Jisung was still reluctant about letting the underage members drink but was easily overruled by Daehwi and Jinyoung who held him to his earlier word. Of course, that’s where everything got crazy, one drink turned into two and two turned into too many to count as no one was sober enough to control them.

Daniel reached out for another sip of his soju when his hand was smacked away by a half drunk yet still mildly responsible Jisung. Daniel sighed but didn’t protest, instead looking around the room at his drunk members with a grin. Daehwi and Woojin were very loudly singing along to Sunmi’s ‘Gashina’, their words slurring slightly as they tried to follow the choreo. Jinyoung and Jihoon were watching Guanlin - who was no doubt drunk for the first time – as he spoke animatedly about nothing in particular, occasionally slipping into Cantonese. Sungwoon had fallen asleep, while Minhyun and Jaehwan were doing shots and precariously building a pyramid with the empty shot glasses.

As Jisung saw this he ran over to them, drunkenly trying to scold the giggling boys. Daniel on the other hand, took this as an opportunity to down the drink Jisung had taken from him and look around for Seongwoo.

It only took him a moment to spot the older boy, slumped over in the corner of the room, his hands covering his face. Daniel got up quickly and instantly regretted his decision, his head spun and he almost fell back into his seat but he staggered on, collapsing beside the older boy and throwing an arm around his slender shoulders.

“Niel ah, it’s you…” Seongwoo looked up, his face lighting up when he saw Daniel. He was swaying from side to side with bleary eyes, messy hair and a pale complexion. He looked way past the point of drunk, even to Daniel who was struggling to keep his eyes focused

“Hyungie, are you okay?” Daniel nuzzled his head against Seongwoo’s shoulder.

“I… t-think so…” Seongwoo replied, even though Daniel could hear his voice slurring on every word.

“Hyung… I think you should stop drinking…” Daniel suggested, trying to reach for the soju bottle next to Seongwoo only for the older boy to grab it and start chugging the contents, “Hyung!” Daniel managed to wrench the bottle from his grip but it was too late and the older boy was done.

“Hyung you shouldn’t have drank that! You’re already so drunk!” Daniel tried to scold but it didn’t help that he too was slurring his words.

Seongwoo didn’t seemed to hear him as he rested his head on his knees, one of his hands coming up to cup Daniel’s face. His hand was trembling slightly, and Daniel tilted his head to kiss the older boy’s wrist. He could feel Seongwoo’s pulse against his lips, it was worryingly sporadic.

“Niel ah, I love you so much… you love me too right?” His words were quiet, almost afraid.

“Baby, what do you mean? Of course, I do. I love-”

“Hyung, I need help!” Jihoon interrupted them, grabbing Daniel’s arm with a panicked expression.

Seongwoo was too drunk for this right now. He was too drunk and he couldn’t think straight and now all he could see was Jihoon pulling at Daniel’s arm. He felt nauseous, he hadn’t even drank too much but of course he had drank without eating for days and this was probably the drunkest he had ever been.

“Jihoon, not right now.” Daniel dismissed.

“Linlin is throwing up and a lot of the hyungs have left. I don’t know what to do!”

“What?” Daniel looked conflicted staring between Jihoon and Seongwoo.

 He grabbed Daniel’s hand silently pleading.

_Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me. Please._

Daniel sighed, loosening Seongwoo’s grip on his hand and standing.

“I’ll be back in just a second,” he tried to reassure before letting Jihoon drag him to the other side of the room.

Seongwoo stared at his hand, where Daniel’s fingers had been intertwined just moments ago.

_He left. He left with Jihoon._

His head hurt and now his heart was pounding, he couldn’t breathe. He stood up abruptly, almost collapsing instantly as the nausea crashed over him. He needed to get out of there. He staggered to the door and stumbled down the steps, unsure of where he was headed as he sprung out of the front entrance. Every street looked practically the same, he knew they lived close but he couldn’t remember where. He soon found himself in an alleyway and he had to stop, hurrying over to some bins to be sick. His throat stung as he retched, there was nothing in his stomach for him to throw up, his mouth tasted of soju and bile as he fell to his knees.

Seongwoo knew he should probably at least try to get back, everyone was drunk but they would notice if they were down one member in the morning.

 _Maybe Daniel wouldn’t mind if you were out of the picture?_ The vicious voice mocked him as he shook his head. _Why else would he leave with Jihoon?_

His eyes stung with the tears that were now streaming down his face. Seongwoo pulled himself up to his feet, bent over as he gasped for air. He was dizzy and shaking and he couldn’t catch his breath.

“Hyung!” A familiar voice called out.

He tried to answer but could only gasp, his knees giving way, a pain shot though him as he hit the ground.

“Hyung? Oh, fuck!” The voice was much closer now. He could see Woojin sprinting towards him. Immediately enveloping him in a hug. “Hyung? Are you okay?”

Seongwoo was still shaking unable to catch his breath, Woojin seemed to understand the situation instantly. He sat down and maneuvered Seongwoo so that he was no longer on his torn up knees.

“Hyung listen to my voice. Just don’t think about anything else. Just breath. Stay calm.” Woojin spoke softly his Busan satoori coming through slightly.

Seongwoo tried to focus, but he couldn’t. Woojin cupped his face and forced him to look directly into his eyes.

“Hyung please. Focus on me, don’t think about anything else. Please. The next step is going to be me kissing you and I know we both don’t want that.” Woojin smiled, clearly trying to distract him.

He closed his eyes.

_One. Two. Three. Four. Five…_

After a moment, he managed to take a deep breath and was once again pulled into a hug.

“Oh thank god. You really didn’t want to kiss me, huh?” Woojin chuckled, mostly to cover the worry that was still flowing through him.

Seongwoo couldn’t bring himself to respond just yet, he just let himself be held.

“Hyung, what happened? Daniel Hyung said you were there one moment then you disappeared. He was going crazy we need to go back before he calls the police.”

“Okay.” Seongwoo managed.

Woojin looked him up and down as he helped him stand. He was a state, he was shaking and covered in a thin layer of sweat, his skin was pale and his knees were scratched up an bleeding. Woojin couldn’t keep it to himself anymore, even if it would upset his hyung he needed to tell Jisung or Minhyun someone who could help Seongwoo in ways he wouldn’t know how.

“I’ll carry you.” Woojin didn’t wait for a response, picking his hyung up easily.

“I’m heavy…” Seongwoo tried to argue.

“No. No you’re not.” He was met with a stern expression.

They arrived back at the dorm quite quickly, and Woojin let him down so that he could enter.

Seongwoo pushed the door open slowly and was almost knocked down instantly. A pair of familiar arms thrown around him, he responded in the same way.

“H-hyung,” Daniel’s voice was pained, as he sobbed into Seongwoo’s shoulder. “Hyung, I t-thought something happened. Where were you?”

“I-” Seongwoo couldn’t figure out what to say.

“He was a couple of streets down; I think he must have tried to follow the other Hyung’s back and got lost.” Woojin helpfully explained, even though Seongwoo knew that the younger boy knew that wasn’t true.

“Thank god you found him.” Minhyun spoke for the first time and Seongwoo realised that all the other members were sitting in the room too, in various stages of drunk and concerned.

“Now that everyone is here. I want everyone to go to sleep. And please note, we are never doing this again. This was too much. We could have been seen.” Jisung scolded. “Now come on everyone, goodnight.” He shooed, everyone slowly made their way into their respective rooms.

Daniel guided Seongwoo back to theirs. He helped him undress and put on his pyjamas, before walking him to the bathroom and sitting him on the side of the bathtub. With gentle hands and warm water, he washed Seongwoo’s face, all the while looking at him like he would disappear if he looked away for even just a second.     

Once he had done the same for himself he let Seongwoo climb into bed, following him, his arms wrapping around the older boy’s waist and pulled him tightly against his chest. He inhaled that scent that was so purely Seongwoo and stroked his hair comfortingly.

“Seongwoo yah, I love you. I love you more than anything.”  

 


	7. Chapter 6 - Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Woojin tells the hyungs, but is it too late?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!  
> So I'm back, my essay is done and I will be returning to posting once a week for this fic. At least I hope so hahah.  
> I hope you guys enjoy the chapter and don't hate me too much. 
> 
> \- Ong Unni

 

Seongwoo was shaken awake roughly. He groaned as his head pounded, instantly feeling as though he was going to throw up. He tried to move but was stopped by Daniel’s vice-like grip around his waist. If Daniel wasn’t the one trying to wake him then who was?

“Seongwoo. Get up.” A familiar voice startled him enough to open his eyes.

“Huh?” He muttered, rubbing his eyes as their manager came into view. He looked tired and irritated. “Mingyun hyung? What is it?”

“We don’t have time, get up I’ll explain while you get dressed.” The manager, began to pull at Daniel’s wrist trying to loosen the youngers grip on his body.

“Baby? You’re awake already?” Daniel grumbled, causing their manager to roll his eyes. Seongwoo turned red, their manager knew about them but he really didn’t need to see Daniel’s sleepy skinship at this moment.

“Daniel let him go. We don’t have time for this.” Mingyun complained.

Daniel’s eyes snapped open and he immediately let go of the older boy.

“Gyun Hyung? Why’re you here?” The younger boy asked, wincing as the hangover set in.

“I need to take Seongwoo with me,” Mingyun pulled him out of the bed and ushered him into the bathroom.

Seongwoo staggered in, his stomach churning and turned the taps on to mask the noise as he threw up, his throat felt inflamed as his body tried to expel something that wasn’t there, only bile and alcohol passed through his lips. Once he was done, he stood up shakily and faced the mirror; he looked ill, his skin was pale and there were bags under his eyes. He washed his face as he tried to wake himself up, hoping to wash away the hangover that was now hammering in his skull.

Before he left the bathroom, he stepped onto the scale, eyes shut tightly, worried that there was no change. The red pointer shot up once again before it found its place.

59.5kg.

He opened his eyes slowly and he couldn’t help the small smile that sprung to his face. He was almost there. It was working. He could handle a little pain if it meant it was working.

He left the bathroom after hearing the manager speaking angrily in the other room. He saw that the older man was on the phone, Daniel was sat cross-legged in bed and Jisung was still asleep somehow. Their leader could sleep through anything.

“I don’t care how many times he apologises… I want him out of there. He’s messed everything up! How can I leave someone unqualified in his position? I want him gone by the time I’m back there.” Mingyun hung up without letting the other person finish.

“Hyung, what exactly is happening?” Daniel asked, his curiosity getting the better of him. Seongwoo also listened in as he gathered some clothes and began to get dressed.

“What’s happening is that we hired a fucking moron. The maknae pd. We’re supposed to be done with your music video by tomorrow latest but that fucking idiot deleted a whole bunch of files while he was doing some finishing touches and of course there are no back-up files.” The manager ranted.

“So what scenes got deleted?” Seongwoo asked, even though he knew the answer.

“The construction site stuff. That’s why I need you, we are driving straight there and you need to film everything again.”

Seongwoo froze.

“I’m sorry that this is happening on your free day but we have to get those shots before tomorrow or not only will I be fired but your entire comeback schedule will be fucked.” Mingyun explained.

This was not good. He could barely get though that day of filming the first time they did it, but now? He’d been dieting for days and his head was still splitting from the night before. Daniel stepped in before he could.

“Wait, but Seongwoo is hungover. He’s not gonna be able to do that. Can’t we postpone the comeback?”

Mingyun looked at Daniel like he wanted to punch him. Seongwoo could understand, it was the older man’s job to make sure everything went smoothly, no doubt he would be punished severely, if not fired for this. He couldn’t let that happen just because he was a little bit queasy.

Seongwoo walked over to Daniel and gave him a peck on the forehead, “Don’t worry Niel ah, I’ll go do the scenes and I’ll get hyung to buy me some meat for lunch. I’ll come back feeling better than I left.” He lied with a grin.

“Yes, yes, okay. Do you hear that loverboy? I’ll look after your boyfriend.” Mingyun began to usher Seongwoo out of the door leaving Daniel with an uneasy feeling. He shook his head then winced again. It was too early for this. He lay back down.

_Seongwoo will be okay. I’m just being over protective._

The rest of the house didn’t begin to wake up till a few hours later. At around noon, the collective groans of the maknae line experiencing their first hangovers resonated through the house. They slowly began to congregate in the living room.

Woojin was mostly feeling okay, he had a mild headache but compared to the others he was perfectly fine. Besides that wasn’t what he was worried about currently. He needed to talk to the hyungs; Jisung and Minhyun for certain but it couldn’t hurt to tell the rest of them too, Seongwoo needed help and he needed it before he got himself hurt. His plan was simple, talk to Jisung and Minhyun then corner Seongwoo and get him to talk to them. Even if he didn’t want to talk to Daniel about it, he could at least let their oldest hyungs in.

Everyone settled around the table and began to eat the hangover soup that Minhyun had prepared for them. Thanking him profusely before settling into a silence that could only be explained by their pounding heads. Woojin looked around the table and noticed that someone was missing, he’d intended to force some food into Seongwoo the second he saw him but it looked like the older boy was still asleep.

“Is Seongwoo hyung still sleeping?”

“Nah, he left with Mingyun hyung earlier.” Daniel responded, taking large spoonsful of soup onto his bowl.

Woojin dropped his chopsticks with a loud clatter, everyone looked up at him with an annoyed grimace.

“What? Where did he go?” He asked, immediately feeling uneasy.

“Seongwoo’s gone?” Jisung added, now that almost all the tables attention was on the two boys. 

“Yeah, the manager came by. Apparently one of the PDs messed up and deleted a bunch of his footage from the construction site. He has to refilm a lot of it.” Daniel explained calmly oblivious to the look of horror that was not forming on Woojin’s face.

“WHAT?”

“Yeah, its fine, he was a bit hungover but Mingyun hyung is gonna treat him to some meat.”

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. No, he won’t. God damn it, hyung._

The younger boy slowly rose to from the table, “I’m not feeling great. Jisung Hyung, can I quickly talk to you… Minhyun too.”

“Can we do this after-”

“No now. Please” Woojin interrupted, making frantic eyes at the older members hoping that something would click.

Minhyun seemed get the hint, standing and pulling Jisung away from the table too. Woojin ushered them into one of the bedrooms and shut the behind them.

“We have a problem; we have to go get Seongwoo hyung. Right now, he’s not well, at all! I wanted to tell you but he wouldn’t let us and I think he’s going to get hurt and – and-”

“Woojin ah, stop. Stop for a second.” Jisung interrupted him, guiding him to the bed and sitting down beside him. Minhyun chose to lean against the wall opposite them. “Slow down, start again, what’s going on with Seongwoo?”

“He isn’t well. I think he’s starving himself… haven’t you all noticed that he hasn’t eaten with us in almost a week now? He hasn’t been eating at all.” Woojin fidgeted.

“What? Why? Why would he do that? The company haven’t been at us to diet this time around.” Jisung asked, concern growing on his face.

“And how do you know about this? You mentioned ‘us’ earlier, does anyone else know? Why didn’t you say anything?” Minhyun added, a frown forming on his face.

Woojin looked down trying to figure out how to explain himself.

“We aren’t blaming you, Minhyun and I just need to know the truth so we can help him,” Jisung reassured.

“It wasn’t me who found out first, it was Guanlin. He noticed that something was wrong with Seongwoo hyung that day after Gukjoo noona’s radio show. You remember how me and Guanlin left early?”

The two older members nodded.

“Well, I was leaving because I wanted to play on my phone but Guanlin was trying to check up on hyung and we found him crying in the van. He found some hate comments from netizens and a bunch of videos that were saying that he wasn’t good enough for Niel hyung. He took it really badly.”

Jisung and Minhyun looked troubled but nodded for him to continue.

“We wanted to say something but he made us promise not to, and we noticed that he wasn’t eating and we tried to keep putting food on his plate but he kept diverting it. You must have noticed how weak he is now? He was a mess when I found him last night and I realised I had to tell you. Now he’s at that construction site, he can’t do that filming I know he won’t let himself eat again. If he gets hurt, it’s my fault…” Woojin could feel his heart aching at that thought.

“It’s not your fault Woojin ah, you did the right thing to tell us.” Minhyun comforted, “I think we have to call the Mingyun hyung, get him to stop the shoot at least for a day. Woojin is right he could get hurt.”

He left the room to make the call.

 Jisung sat beside Woojin for a few moments, his face looked pained, “How did I not notice this? I thought he was behaving weirdly but I didn’t do anything… I’m supposed to be the leader but our maknae is more aware than I am…”

 “Hyung you couldn’t have known. Don’t be hard on yourself, Niel hyung doesn’t know anything either.” Woojin put his arm around his hyung, comfortingly rubbing circles on his arm.

“We have to tell him; he’s going to flip out but we have to tell him. He loves that boy so much; he’ll be devastated if he’s the only one not to know.”

Woojin shifted in his seat thinking about Daniel and Seongwoo, he couldn’t help the sudden unpleasant feeling that he felt. He loved and respected Daniel, he was a good hyung and as a fellow Busan boy they had a lot in common but recently he was also quite disappointed in him. How had his hyung been so oblivious to what was going on? He was dating Seongwoo and he didn’t realise that the older boy was starving himself? That he could barely keep up during practice? He just let their manager take him away first thing in the morning without feeling worried. Seongwoo was a precious hyung who deserved someone who loved him and could protect him. Daniel should be good for him, so why wasn’t he doing his job? 

“I don’t think we should tell him.” The words slipped from his mouth without warning. Jisung gave him a strange look.

“He is his boyfriend; he needs to know.”

“Seongwoo hyung should tell him himself. We should talk to Seongwoo hyung first, then he can talk to Niel hyung.” Woojin explained himself, Jisung didn’t look sure.

“Right we have to leave. Now.” Minhyun rushed back into the room, pulling on his jacket and grabbing a few items from around the room. “Hyung do you know the address to the site?”

“Yes, why what’s wrong is he okay?” Jisung stood immediately, Woojin followed.

“I talked to Mingyun hyung, he said that Seongwoo was fine and decided to eat after they finished filming everything because he was nauseous from drinking. I tried to convince him to stop the shoot but he got annoyed and hung up on me.”

“Hyung we have to go there. I saw his scenes from before he’s carrying all this heavy stuff and walking around half built floors!” Woojin was panicked now.

“I can’t drive, and hyung can’t either, who can drive?” Minhyun was pacing now looking more worried by the second.

“Sungwoon hyung! I’m sure he can! Let’s grab him and go.” Woojin rushed out of the room followed by the two elders.

.

Seongwoo was tried. His limbs felt like they were made of lead and with every take he struggled to keep his composure more and more. Of course, the sharp stabbing pain of his stomach begging to be fed and the hammering of his head didn’t help the equation. He’d managed to talk his way out of getting food before filming but he had to figure out how to avoid it afterwards too.

At this point in the day they had filmed most of his scenes; they had done his passing out scene first thing as they could only get the inflatable stunt mats during the morning, they had also filmed the indoor scenes, which were easy enough. The last thing they had to get was him carrying the equipment up the stairs. The first time they had film this he had struggled just a little bit, the bulky load of rubber tubing weighing down on his shoulder, this time he could barely lift it.

He staggered up the steps, his legs wobbling slightly as he tried to push through it. He winced but he thought about Daniel and how he promised to cuddle when he got home and he continued up the steps.

“Cut! Can we do another take! Seongwoo, you need to relax a little, remember how you did it the first time?” The PD called out from his spot below.

Seongwoo bit his lip and went back down the steps. He took a deep breath and climbed them again, he tried to relax his face. His foot slipped slightly on the second step from the top but he managed to catch himself.

“That was better, let’s do another one as a backup then we can call it!”  

Seongwoo turn around and almost blacked out as a wave of dizziness hit him. He held his breath and climbed back down the concrete steps, using the wall as support.

_You can do this Seongwoo. One more take. Then you’re done. Come on…_

.

Jisung, Minhyun, Woojin and Sungwoon made it across Seoul in record time. Sungwoon was driving as fast as he could within the speed limit, occasionally dipping over when the streets were emptier. He had demanded an explanation when he was dragged away from his afternoon gaming session with Jaehwan but all he got from their eldest hyung was ‘Seongwoo is sick, we have to go,’ and a look that did not give him the option to argue.

Woojin spent the entire journey with a death grip on Jisung’s hand, only letting go briefly to message Guanlin to explain the situation. He felt bad that the youngest boy had been the one to know from the start and yet was out of the loop with the current situation. Although he felt it was probably for the best, Guanlin was young, he should have to deal with that kind of responsibly. Woojin promised himself that he would take on their maknae’s duty, making sure that Seongwoo was okay.

They pulled into the construction site which was luckily closed and allowed for them to go barrelling in, following the noise to the filming site. The four of them walked onto set looking around for Seongwoo.

“-let’s do another one as a backup then we can call it!”  They heard the PD calling out and they all looked up spotting the other boy making his way down the concrete steps. Minhyun and Jisung eyed each other, with concern as they watched him us the wall as support to get down the steps. He was still oblivious to their arrival.

“Okay action!” The PD cued.

Seongwoo took a deep breath and the four boys watched as he began to climb up the steps. Woojin held his breath, his heart was pounding, Seongwoo climbed about half-way and seemed to hesitate, he could see that the older boy was shaking even from his spot on the ground. He took a couple more steps up and his legs wobbled under him. Woojin began to rush forward, he had to stop this. Minhyun tried to grab him but ducked under his arm, the others followed him as he raced towards the spot where the PD sat.

But he was too late. He stared up in horror as Seongwoo stepped onto the step second from the top and his leg flew out from under him. Woojin hated the cliché but it was like what they said in the movies; everything went in slow motion. Seongwoo’s hands soared out trying to grab something, anything, but they missed and flew backwards.

“Hyung!” Woojin yelled helplessly.

He fell.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always Kudos/Comments/Criticisms are welcomed and are really encouraging for me to keep writing. 
> 
> See you all next week for chapter 7!


	8. Chapter 7 - Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Woojin falls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys,  
> Back at it again with the next chapter! I hope yall enjoy it!   
> Just a couple of notes beforehand-  
> 1) I don't know any medical stuff and I'm not sure how reliable googling shit it so, don't take any medical talk seriously  
> 2) It's Christmas eve in one week time and I'm not sure if I'll be able to update, if i can't then it will only be a couple of days late... I promise! 
> 
> Thanks for reading as always! 
> 
> -Ong Unni

Seongwoo felt submerged.

His mind was murky and his limbs heavy.

He couldn’t see anything; a distant voice was yelling his name. It’s was too distant to figure out who it was. He was scared. He wanted to move but he couldn’t.

_Where am I?_

“Hyung…” The voice cried, “Hyung, please!”

_Daniel?_

He needed to find him, he wanted to follow the voice. If Daniel was calling for him he needed to be there. He got up shakily, the darkness that surrounded him seemed to go on forever, yet the voice guided him.

“Hyung… please. I’m so sorry.”

It was like a hand was grasping his, pulling him in the right direction. The warmth flowing through him calmed him slightly as he began to move forward. Small steps, then larger one. Towards the voice.

Towards the light.

.

“Woojin ah, you have to move. Come with me, I’ll get you a drink.” Minhyun spoke softly, a comforting hand placed on the younger boy’s shoulder.

Woojin didn’t reply. His eyes trained on Seongwoo who lay motionless in the hospital bed. Minhyun sighed before walking back over to Jisung and Sungwoon who were all sat in the corner of the room.

 Woojin hadn’t moved from that spot in almost two hours, his eyes burning as he pleaded at the older boy to wake up. Every time he shut his eyes he could see it happening over and over again; Seongwoo stumbling, his arms flying out to grab something and him falling. Falling backwards onto the steps, his body hitting the concrete and tumbling down, landing in a heap at the bottom. The crack that rung out from his helmet hitting the ground still rung in his ears.

Minhyun and Sungwoon had to wrestle him away from the older boy as the paramedics rushed to the scene, despite the two of them sharing his look of despair.

Woojin held onto Seongwoo’s hand with both of his, the older boy’s slender fingers looking delicate against his gruff ones. He brushed his thumb across his knuckles.

“Hyung… please. I’m so sorry.” His voice was low enough that the others wouldn’t hear it, “I should have said something earlier. Please wake up. Ple-ease.” His voice cracked as he could feel himself welling up again.

_I could have stopped this. I could have saved him._

He scanned Seongwoo’s face. The older boy was still beautiful, his alabaster skin, his constellation of moles and his lashes that softly framed his eyes.

But now his face also supported small cuts and scrapes across his cheeks and forehead and dark bruises that ran from the left side of his jaw, down his neck and onto his collar bones.  Woojin reached out, his fingers gently brushing away stray stand of hair from his hyung’s eyes.

“Hyung, I won’t let this happen again. I won’t let anyone or anything hurt you again, please wake up-”

The door to the hospital room was thrown open and a panic-stricken Daniel barged inside, followed quickly by the rest of their members, his eyes were red rimmed and wild until they locked onto Seongwoo’s unconscious form.  

“God, Seongwoo hyung, oh god. Oh god.” He began to ramble fresh tears streaming down his face as he rushed to the older boy’s free side.

The other members looked equally stricken, gathering at the end of the bed.

“We came as fast as we could… there was so much traffic in the city.” Jaehwan explained as the oldest one of the recent arrivals.

“It’s fine, he hasn’t woken up yet but the doctor said he’s not in a critical stage. He’s going to come back to update us soon.” Jisung explained wearily, trying to show a strong front in front of the maknae line.

Guanlin was one of the first to move, shifting Woojin to join him at in the bedside seat. The maknae put an arm around Woojin, trying to silently comfort him, he knew the older boy would be tearing himself up inside.

“What happened exactly?” Daehwi asked quietly, pressed into Jinyoung’s side, fingers gripping the other boy’s shirt uneasily.

Jisung looked down trying to figure out what to tell them. He knew Woojin didn’t want to tell the others about the dieting, he wanted to protect Seongwoo’s secret.

“He was filming a scene on the stairs… he slipped. He fell down the stairs.” Jisung explained.

“How come you were there, hyung?” Daniel asked, looking away from Seongwoo for the first time since he walked in.

Jisung hesitated, glancing at Woojin who shook his head discreetly.

“We thought we would bring him some food…” He trailed, knowing that that was a terribl excuse. Daniel raised a eyebrow, clearly not buying it. Jisung was saved when the door was opened and a doctor walked in.

“Wow, there are too many people in here. I’m gonna need at least half of you gone.” He looked around the room at the ten faces, showing various stages of distraught. Most of them looked like they wanted to argue.

“Can you at least tell us how he is doing?” Minhyun asked.

“He will be okay. He does have a range of injuries but none of them are permanent. So, you should all try to calm down a bit. He is still quite severely injured however; the most severe is the whiplash he suffered from the sudden fall, if not for the helmet he was wearing this would have been a completely different and a much more serious story but the helmet did save him from any serious head injuries. As for the rest of his body; he has two cracked ribs, a cracked collar bone, a bruised pelvis, and a sprained ankle, that’s aside from all the minor scratches and bruising that occurred.” The doctor explained, listing everything off in detail.

“Why hasn’t he woken up?” Daniel’s voice was harsher than he intended.

“That’s nothing to be too concerned about, with injuries like this the body tends to shut down in shock. He should wake up pretty soon. Oh and also I need to talk to – uh,” he scanned the room then pointed at Jisung, “you, outside.”

Jisung followed him, confused. The doctor paused, “I do mean it by the way, five minutes and I want most of you out of there.”

The doctor led him to a corridor just off the room and stopped.

“Look, I wanted to talk to your manager about this but he’s not around so you can tell him okay?”

Jisung nodded.

“I know that you’re all idols and you need to watch yourself but they need to stop putting that boy on diets. The reason he’s in there like that is because of whatever dumb diet he’s been put on. I’ve seen it with others, mostly female idols, this is one of the first cases I’ve seen so bad with a male idol but his blood sugar is half of what it should be. He needs to be eating properly. His body is weak, that’s why he’s so battered.”

Jisung nodded. He couldn’t look up from the spot on the ground, his eyes stung.

_Seongwoo ah, what have you done…_

“Okay Sir, I understand. Thank you for helping him so well.”

“It’s my job. Just make sure he’s not back in here again. It’ll be a lot worse the longer it goes on.”

“Yes sir.”

The doctor nodded, before turning and leaving. Jisung stood there for a few moments. He didn’t know what to do. This wasn’t his manager’s doing, Seongwoo did this to himself. He did it to himself under his watch and he didn’t even notice. Jisung cursed himself.

.

They took shifts for the next couple of hours, taking in it in turns, half of them staying in the room with Seongwoo and the other half camping in the waiting room. Their manager had returned to tell them that the company had decided to postpone the comeback by a couple of weeks, somehow the news that Seongwoo got injured while doing reshoots for the mv on his day off had gotten out and now the fans were baying for blood.

They couldn’t help but feel relieved. How could they focus on the comeback with Seongwoo in this condition?

While most of the members rotated, two figures remained at each side of the older boy’s bed; Daniel clutching his right hand while Woojin kept hold of his left. They were silent for most of the time; Daniel crouched at his bedside his head lay beside Seongwoo’s arm and he pressed gentle kisses on his knuckles, Woojin could hear him mumbling under his breath though he couldn’t make out what he was saying.

Woojin was mostly still, he sat in his seat staring at the older boy for any signs of movement.

_Hyung please wake up. Please._

Woojin was conflicted, he didn’t want to tell Daniel anything. He wanted the older boy to figure it out. It was ridiculous that he hadn’t already. Jisung had pulled him aside earlier and told him what the doctor had said, Seongwoo was not in a good condition, he needed help and as much as Woojin doubted it, Daniel was the one who could help him. More than anyone else. He knew Seongwoo wouldn’t say anything so it was up to him.

“Hyung?” He started, not sure how to begin.

“Yeah,” Daniel looked up, his eyes looked tired and his brows were still furrowed in concern.

“I- well, there’s something you need to know about, about Seongwoo hyung… he didn’t just slip at the construction site…” Woojin trailed off watching as confusion spread across the older boy’s face.

“What- what do you mean, Woojin ah?” Daniel quirked his head and moved to sit in the chair opposite him.

“There was a reason that he slipped, his blood sugar dropped to half of what he it should have been and the doctor thinks it caused him dizziness and it’s probably why he fell-”

“Wait, what do you mean? Why would that- he was fine, he was just a bit hungover-” Daniel interrupted, his eyes wide with distress.

“That’s not it… for about a week now he’s been skipping meals, well barely eating anything…”

“Why? What -Why would he do that?”

“He saw some stuff online… about him… and you. About how he wasn’t good enough for you…” Woojin trailed off again, the colour seemed to drain from Daniels face.

“That’s ridiculous! No, he’s better than me. HE’S the one that’s too good for me! Why would he think that! Why would he believe any of that?” Daniel was now on the brink of shouting, he looked down at the older boy; his delicate face and stunning features, he couldn’t understand how he couldn’t see that he was prefect.

Then something else hit him.

“Wait… why do you know this?” He looked back up at Woojin, his expression quickly turning into one of annoyance.

“Me and Guanlin found him, he was crying about some of the comments he saw… then we noticed that he wasn’t eating with us… that he was barely eating at all.”

“You knew all this time and you didn’t tell me? What the fuck, Woojin! I could have stopped this! I could have helped him! This is your fault!”

_This is your fault._ Woojin felt those words hit him. His heart was pounding, Daniel’s expression was hard, his voice loud enough that Woojin could see it was drawing the other member’s attention from just outside the room. He knew he should have said something earlier. But Daniel should have noticed.

“What about you, Hyung?” He willed himself not to start crying again, “Why didn’t you notice? Huh? Why didn’t you see that your own boyfriend was upset? That he wasn’t eating, that he could barely keep up during practice, you wouldn’t have noticed shit if he hadn’t collapsed… what kind of boyfriend are you?” He hissed back, his grip on Seongwoo’s hand tightened, “You should have protected him yourself if you are going to call yourself his boyfriend!”

Daniel stood up, knocking his chair back. His eyes were narrowed in rage.

“You fu-”

“Kang Daniel. Sit the hell down right now!” Jisung spoke from the doorway. They both turned to look and saw their leader and the older members gathered at the door. Jisung stalked forward. “What the hell do you two think you’re doing? We are in a hospital, Seongwoo is in hospital! Don’t you think there are more important things to be worried about than whatever stupid thing you’re bickering about!”

Daniel cast his eyes down. “Hyung, he-”

Woojin’s attention was pulled away when he felt a small movement in his palm. The hand in his began to respond to his touch, fingers tightening around his.  He looked down at Seongwoo to see the elder’s eyes flutter slightly, his nose scrunching up before he opened his eyes.

“Seongwoo hyung?” his voice was just a whisper but both the other boys heads snapped in their direction.

Seongwoo winced slightly at the brightness the light before trying to turn his head to look around, a sharp pain shot down his neck.

“Ahh,” His voice was quiet and hoarse. “D- Daniel?”

Daniel was immediately at Seongwoo’s side, his hands cupping the older boy’s face, “Hyung, oh my god, you’re awake… hyung, I love you. I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have let you leave.” Daniel began to cry.

With a trembling hand Seongwoo wiped away a stray tear.

“Don’t be silly, Niel ah.” He managed to say, his voice still straining.

Woojin let Seongwoo’s hand go, taking a step back from the couple. His heart had soared when he felt the older boy wake up so why was is aching now? He watched as Daniel brushed his fingers through Seongwoo’s hair, the older boy leaning into his touch. They spoke tenderly, Daniel whispering a thousand _I love you_ s while Seongwoo smiled up at him his eyes crinkling in the corners the way they did when he smiled brightly. He was looking at Daniel like he was the only other person in the room.

Woojin shut his eyes taking a deep breath.

_Don’t be stupid now, Woojin. Don’t fall like this._

He wished he could control his heart and the way it beat for Seongwoo but something inside him told him it was already too late…

_I’ll protect him. I won’t let him get hurt again. Not like before._

_Not the way Daniel did._


	9. Chapter 8 - Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seongwoo is troubled, Woojin is hopeless, Daniel is oblivious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys,   
> I hopes there's still people who were actually waiting for this story....  
> I'm sorry this chapter is so SO late but this past month has been insane and I've had no time to do anything but uni work. I am back now though and the chapter updates will go back to roughly once a week I promise.  
> I'm not 100% happy with this chapter but I hope you all enjoy it and return for the next one where things will really get back into it.   
> Thank you :)   
> \- Ong Unni

 

Seongwoo was running. Faster and faster still. His heart felt like it would be ripped from his chest.

“Daniel!” He yelled but no sound came from his lips. He was lost. Trees whipped against his skin as he hurled through the forest.

“Daniel! Please! Wait for me!” Seongwoo pleaded silently, tears escaping from his eyes.

The wind was harsh against his skin; he was only wearing a thin t-shirt and some baggy shorts. He couldn’t remember how he ended up out there. He just knew he needed to find Daniel.

The trees finally thinned and he stumbled into a darkened opening. The sun was setting, disappearing under the edge of a precarious cliff.

“Daniel?” He looked around but he couldn’t find the other boy.

His heart was racing as he approached the cliff.

“Nielie?”

“Ah, Seongwoo? Why are _you_ here?” Seongwoo spun around to face the younger and his heart sank as he saw them.

Daniel was standing in the clearing, his puppy-like features pulled into an unwelcoming sneer face; he was wearing the hoodie that Seongwoo brought him on their first date together and his arm was wrapped around Jihoon’s waist. 

“Nielie? Wh-what, what are you doing?” He stuttered, biting his lip.

“Wh- what are you doing?” Daniel mimicked with a cold laugh, “Jihoonie, why don’t you tell him?” He looked down at the younger boy in his arms.

“We’re getting rid of you hyung, it’s not like Nielie hyung wanted you in the first place… isn’t that right?” Jihoon asked looking up at Daniel.

“That’s right, baby.” Daniel ran his fingers down the side of Jihoon’s face with a loving smile.

_Baby…_

That was what he called Seongwoo. Seongwoo took a step back, his arms wrapping around himself as if trying to shield his own body, his heart pounding.

_This isn’t real. No. Daniel wouldn’t do this._

“Niel ah, this... this is a joke, right?” He managed to speak, the words bitter in his own mouth. Daniel leaned forward and Jihoon wrapped his arms around his neck, pulling the older boy in, pressing a searing kiss on his lips.

“No! Daniel…” Seongwoo let out a startled sob.

_This can’t be happening…_

He stared as the two kissed like they were the only ones there, their hands gripping one another tightly. He couldn’t watch this. He couldn’t. He looked away, stumbling back towards the edge of the cliff.

“Why don’t you just jump?” Jihoon broke away from the kiss, licking his lips.

 “Yeah, Seongwoo. Why don’t you? It would do us all a favour.” Daniel cackled, intertwining his fingers with Jihoon’s.

Seongwoo stared at them. His body was ice cold and his tears left freezing tracks down his cheeks. He glanced over at the cliff edge which he was suddenly standing at, he couldn’t see the ground, he looked back at the pair.

“Daniel, I don’t understand… you said you loved me…” He tried once again.

“Well,” Daniel looked up at him then glanced back to Jihoon, his thumb ghosting over the younger boy’s lips, “I guess that was my mistake.”

Seongwoo shut his eyes tightly as he watched his boyfriend kiss his bandmate once again, swivelling around and taking a deep breath.

_As long as you’re happy, my love._

He stepped over the edge.

.

Seongwoo woke with a startling gasp, his entire body shaking with hysterical sobs. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t see. The room was blanketed in an unfamiliar darkness. A sharp pain shot through his body as he tried to sit up abruptly, forgetting the many fractured bones and healing sprains throughout his body.

A pair of warm hands grasped at his body, trying to calm him down.

“Hyung? Hyung, what’s wrong?”

“Da-Daniel, you- you just- I-” Seongwoo stuttered over his words, wincing at the pain that shot through his body.

Arms wrapped around him, they were careful not to press down but Seongwoo clung to them ignoring the dull pain taking hold of his chest. He buried his face in a familiar scent fingers clinging desperately to the front of his hoodie.

“Nielie, y- you left me.” His voice was muffled.

“Shh, it’s okay. Seongwoo hyung, it’s okay.” The voice soothed him, fingers coming up to play with the short hairs on his nape.

It took him a moment to register that the soothing voice, wasn’t Daniels. “Woo- Woojin ah? Wh-what are you doing here?” He pulled back slightly as the younger boy turned on a small lamp on Seongwoo’s bedside, illuminating his face in a low warm glow.

“Was just checking in on you, what happened?” Woojin asked, gently pushing Seongwoo back so he would lie down.

“I… guess, I had a bad dream…” Seongwoo found it hard to relax, the images from the nightmare still playing clearly in his mind, “where’s Daniel?”

“He had to leave after we brought you back to the dorm. He has a schedule with some of the others.” Woojin explained as he settled down in the spot beside the bed, one hand holding Seongwoo’s and the other softly brushing through his hair. The older boy lent into his touch unconsciously.

“Oh… this isn’t my room.”

“Nah, since both him and Jisung hyung had to go they didn’t want to leave you alone. It’s my bed.” Woojin replied, ignoring the way his heart fluttered as Seongwoo looked up at him; he was half asleep, his hair falling into his eyes and a soft pink haze had settled on his cheeks from the warmth of the room.

_He looks so soft, like a kitten._

“What?” Seongwoo raised an eyebrow, a small smile playing on his lips.

Woojin’s eyes widened in horror. _You said that out loud. You idiot._

“Uhhh, nothing. Nothing at all, hyung.” He tried to step back from the bed but the older refused to release his hand.

“A kitten, huh? I kinda like that.” Seongwoo smiled bashfully.

Woojin swore his heart stopped for a moment.

“I, right, well, they should be back at any second so… I’m gonna-” he couldn’t finish his sentence.

“Seongwoo yah, Woojin ah? You’re up?” Daniel asked, looking surprised as he entered the room.

Woojin couldn’t help but notice the way Seongwoo’s expression turned pained when he saw the other boy. He didn’t want to let him go.

“Ye-yes, Nielie, I had a bad dream. Woojin was just calming me down. I’m glad you’re home.” Seongwoo replied, his eyes not once leaving Daniel’s, having let Woojin’s hand go the moment he locked eyes with the other boy.

“Oh, thanks Woojin ah, I’ll take him back to our room, since I’m back now.” Daniel patted his shoulder as he strode past him to pick up Seongwoo. Daniel had spoken to him naturally but there was something in his tone that showed his was still annoyed about their argument the previous day.

“Yeah, no- no problem.”

Daniel didn’t reply, focusing on softly lifting Seongwoo, without touching any of his inured areas.

“Thank you, Woojin ah. I must have been a bother to you.” Seongwoo ruffled his hair affectionately and Woojin wanted to die at how platonic it all was. He watched as the older boy wrapped his arms around Daniel’s neck, burying his head in his shoulder contentedly.

“No, it was fine. All fine…” He trailed off as Daniel carried Seongwoo out of the room, the two whispering sweetly as they headed to their bedroom.

Woojin collapsed back onto his bed, his face in his hands. This was getting complicated. He lay back into the spot Seongwoo was in moments ago, hugging his pillow and breathing in his scent.

He failed to protect his own heart so maybe he could at least protect Seongwoo’s.

 

Daniel placed Seongwoo softly on his own bed, before wasting no time in changing his clothes and joining him. He made sure to give the older boy enough room, not wanting to hurt his healing body.  His attempts were ignored as Seongwoo pulled him in, pressing his body against Daniel, fingers grasping at his shirt, head buried in his chest.

“Baby, I don’t want to hurt you.” Daniel whispered, tracing the exposed spot on Seongwoo’s hip.

“I can take it… I missed you, Nielie…” Seongwoo mumbled, pressing a soft kiss against Daniel’s collarbone. He could still see Daniel wrapped around Jihoon, the way they were kissing… he needed those images out of his head. He needed Daniel to show him he was his. To show him he wanted him.

“I missed you too, baby. I thought about you all day.” Daniel gave him a gentle peck on the lips, before kissing him slightly deeper, his tongue exploring Seongwoo’s mouth.

It wasn’t enough.

He could still see it. Them.

Seongwoo slid his hand down to the front of Daniels pants, his hand cupping his bulge. Daniel froze, pulling back almost instantly.  

“Seongwoo yah…”

“What?”

“We can’t, you’re hurt.” Daniel reasoned, taking his hand in his.

“I said I can take it.” Seongwoo frowned, trying to lean in again. Daniel moved away.

“We can’t.”

There is a moment before the shame of rejection filters into his face, he snatches his hand back and turns to face the wall trying not to wince as his ribs protest the movement.

“Baby, don’t be like this. I don’t want to hurt you.” Daniel reasons shuffling forward so he’s spooning the smaller boy, nuzzling his face into his hair.

Seongwoo doesn’t reply.

“Okay, well work was fine today, Jae Suk Sunbae mentioned you.” Daniel changed the subject.

“Hmm, anything else happen?” Seongwoo gave in, playing along.

“Nothing too exciting, Jisung hyung fell out of his chair laughing, they will probably air that. Jihoonie was really cute today. He’s got some new aegyo stuff that he shows. It’s funny, he insists that he’s a manly man but he’s far too small and cute for that.”

Seongwoo’s heart sank.

_He’s far too small and cute for that._

“Don’t you think?” Daniel asked with a chuckle.

Seongwoo held his breath, he knew he’s crack if he tried to reply.

“Ohh, my baby fell asleep, didn’t he?” Daniel whispered after a few moments of silence, “okay let’s sleep.”

Seongwoo didn’t sleep that night.

.

Over the next four nights a new routine emerged. Seongwoo would be moved into the big room while Daniel was out on his schedule and Woojin would keep an eye on him until he returned in the early hours of the next day.

The nightmares were regular too.

Seongwoo slept in Woojin’s bed so the younger would rest in the bed of whoever had a schedule that night. Often that was Jihoon. He never got to sleep more than a couple of hours because he would be woken by a heart-breaking sound. The crying was difficult but the soft whimpering made him want to die. Seongwoo would never tell him what was wrong, and he never managed to coax it out of him before Daniel returned and took him away.

That’s why on the fifth night he was determined.

He waited until the older boy fell asleep and moved to sit on the floor at his bedside. Taking one of his hyungs hands and intertwining their fingers. Maybe having someone else’s touch could comfort him. Maybe he wouldn’t get the nightmares again. And so, he waited, trying to stay away, and for a while it seemed to work, as he stroked the older boy’s fingers, tracing circles in his skin.

However, a little later than usual he could see Seongwoo’s face contorting in pain, before he began to whimper incoherently, large tears forming in the corners of his eyes. Woojin decided to wake him up.

“Hyung,” He gently shook, the older boy’s shoulder, “hyung, you’re having a nightmare.”

Seongwoo startled awake, suddenly sitting up, his eyes wide and looking around frantically. He calmed when he saw Woojin, throwing his arms around his neck and sobbing into his shoulder. Woojin sat on the bed beside him and did his best to comfort his hyung.

“It’s okay. Hyung, whatever it is, it’s going to be okay. What did you see?” He tried, stroking the older boy’s back.

Seongwoo didn’t reply.

“Hyung, this isn’t the first time. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me.” He tried to reason.

“It’s Daniel. I see him… and Jihoon.” Seongwoo mumbles.

“Hyung…”

“I see them and they are so happy, and they kiss and they tell me to leave them alone… and I can’t, I can’t deal with that Woojin ah. He is the only person I have ever loved. I can’t lose him.” Seongwoo continued, unaware that his words were twisting a knife into Woojin’s chest.

“Hyung, don’t be ridiculous. Daniel hyung loves you.” _I think I love you._ “He would never leave you,” _I wish he would._ “He would never hurt you.” _He clearly already has. He doesn’t deserve you._

Seongwoo was still clinging to him but he seemed to calm slightly.

“Come on, let’s get you to sleep. I’m not sure what’s hold the others up but you might as well stay here the whole night.” Woojin reasoned.

“But where will you sleep if they come back?”

“The couch is fine.” Woojin goes to move, but is stopped.

“Just stay with me.”

“I don’t-” Woojin panics.

“It’s fine, I don’t mind.”

“Uhhh…” His brain seems to have stopped working.

“Just lie down, come on.” Seongwoo shuffles closer to the wall letting Woojin get under the covers. Woojin attempts to stay as far as possible from the older boy, but that is quite difficult as the bed is a tiny single and he’s hanging off the mattress.

He gives in and moves forward. Seongwoo doesn’t flinch as Woojin lets one of his arms lie across his waist. He shuffles around till they are practically chest to chest and Seongwoo’s head is on his arm, his lithe body pressed against his defined one. He hopes that the older boy can’t hear the way his heart is fighting to get free of its cage.

“You really are like a kitten.” The words escape Woojin’s lips, his thumb coming up to brush over his three moles. He gets no response, just soft breathing and he can’t help but smile. Leaning in just a tad more he presses a chaste kiss on Seongwoo’s forehead.

“My kitten.”  

 

Daniel returned from the shoot four hours later than scheduled. After a huge traffic accident, the shoot was delayed and they couldn’t get started until much later than planned. He, along with Jihoon, Jisung and Minhyun were tired out of their minds and he couldn’t stop worrying about Seongwoo. He promised to be back by 1 am latest and yet it was past 4 am when they were finally finished.

As they entered Daniel threw down his bag and immediately hurried towards the big bedroom, hoping that the older one was okay, and that he managed to sleep fine without him there. When he opened the door however, he couldn’t stop the loud gasp that left his lips. There on Woojin’s bed was Seongwoo, sleeping soundly in Woojin’s arms, their limbs intertwined and their bodies pressed against one another.

He blinked.

His chest began to get heavy and he could feel his blood boiling.

“What the fuck?!”


	10. Chapter 9 - Downfall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniel does something bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys,  
> So I have a couple of things so discuss, firstly something happens in this chapter that I'm not sure if I should give a trigger warning for. I don't usually write anything that does so I'll warn you all now that something happens that might be triggering and if yall wanna let me know in the comments if I should add it to the tags then I will.  
> Also you might all hate me after this.  
> Sooo anyway, I hope you all enjoy the chapter.
> 
> \- Ong Unni

Woojin entered the dance studio in a state of slight confusion, he didn’t remember there being any planned dance practice that morning. As he stepped through the doors his confusion grew as he saw Seongwoo stretching in his usual corner, chatting animatedly to Daniel. He wasn’t wearing his cast and Woojin knew he was not healed enough for him to take it off any time soon.

Woojin walked over to the older boys determined to figure out what was going on. Seongwoo noticed him, grinning widely and bounding over as if he hadn’t been devastated the previous evening.

“Hyun-”

His words were cut off when Seongwoo cupped his face and pulled him in for a sweet kiss, his lips melding against Woojin’s in a way that made the younger boy breathless. It was short and Woojin leant in mindlessly for more when Seongwoo pulled away, but the older boy only giggled at his dazed expression.

“Someone’s eager today!” He heard one of his other members call out.

He snapped out of his daze.

“Hyung- what? I mean, wh-what are you doing?” He babbled glancing over at Daniel who was still stretching as if he hadn’t just seen his boyfriend kiss one of his bandmates in front of him.

“Can’t a guy kiss his boyfriend in the morning?” Seongwoo laughed, stepping even closer to him, his arms wrapping around his neck. “Besides your kitten missed you.”

_Boyfriend… wait, BOYFRIEND???_

_“_ I- you- boyfriend… okay.” Woojin rambled mostly to himself. Something weird was going on but he wasn’t about to question it. “Hyung, how come your cast is off?” He asked deciding to focus elsewhere.

“Cast? What’re talking about? And since when did you call me hyung?” Seongwoo quirked his head with a pout. “Kitty doesn’t like it.”

Woojin proceeded to melt into a puddle on the ground.

“My kitten doesn’t like it?” Woojin, raked his fingers through Seongwoo’s soft hair, “I’m sorry, kitty. I’m still half asleep.”

Woojin kissed Seongwoo. He wrapped arms around his slender waist and pulled him against his body, his heart skipping as Seongwoo tugged playfully his hair. His tongue flicked against the older boy’s lips asking for permission which was easily granted. He walked Seongwoo back till he was pressed against the mirror and he could hear whistling and hollering from the others in the room. He didn’t know what was going on, but he knew that whatever glorious fever dream he was in, he never wanted to wake up.

.

“What the fuck?!”

Daniel stared at the two boys in Woojin’s bed and he could feel himself becoming more and more furious the more he looked. His knuckles turned white as he clenched his fists, positively vibrating with rage.

He wasn’t sure what he was going to do but he knew he needed to take a few breaths before exploded.

“Mm, Seongwoo ah…” He heard Woojin mumble as he nuzzled his face close to the older boy, his lips grazing his forehead.

Daniel couldn’t stop himself spinning off the handle. He stormed over to the bed and grabbed Woojin by the back of his neck and tore him out of the bed, covering his mouth so he wouldn’t wake Seongwoo. Woojin stared at his hard expression with startled eyes before they both heard movement in the bed, the older boy seemed to momentarily stir before curling in on himself and falling back to sleep.

Daniel dragged Woojin out of the bedroom and into the living room before throwing him against a wall and holding him down with one of his forearms pressed painfully against his chest.

“Woojin, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Daniel tried to keep his voice down but his anger didn’t cooperate.

“Hyung, he was upset, I was just trying to comfort him.” Woojin argued, trying to push back against Daniel, but as strong as he was he couldn’t beat the larger boy.

“Comfort him? Bullshit. You were sleeping with your body wrapped around him. He’s my boyfriend. MINE. Do you understand that?” Daniel practically spat.

“You weren’t there. Someone has to look after him. Hyung is hurting and you’re never around!” Woojin was getting mad, he hadn’t done anything wrong, he was doing Daniel’s job for him.

Daniel drew back his fist so quickly that Woojin almost flinched, but he held his ground. Daniel punched the wall next to his head and spoke with a venomous tone, “Don’t. _Don’t_ talk to me like you know him better than I do. Woojin, you’re supposed to be my friend. We’re bandmates. I can’t trust you to be around him! All that talk in the hospital wasn’t about him, was it? It was for you; it was because you want him and you’re trying to snake your way in. Well I won’t let you. He’s mine. He loves me.”

“I just want what’s best for him.” Woojin tried to keep his composure but it was getting harder by the second. 

Daniel finally pulled back.

“I don’t want to see you near him again. Okay? I don’t want him sleeping in your room. That’s over now. I’ll have one of the others watch him. Just stay away from him.” Daniel turned and began to walk away.

“You’re being pathetic. I hope you know that. He can do what he wants, you aren’t his owner.” Woojin called after him.

“Fuck off!” Daniel swung around and punched Woojin in the gut. The younger doubled over in pain showing emotion for the first time since Daniel pulled him out of the room. His face was scrunched up as he fell to his knees. Daniel faltered momentarily wondering for the first time if he went too far but he cast that thought aside as he went to collect Seongwoo moving him to their room. Woojin wasn’t there when he returned.

.

The next morning everyone decided to have breakfast together as there were no schedules for the morning and it had been too long since all of them were together. Seongwoo woke up surprised that he was Daniels arms rather than Woojin’s but he didn’t question it, snuggling into his boyfriend’s arms. He was feeling a little better and talking to Woojin really helped him. He was beginning to let himself believe that Daniel loved him, he just needed to hold out a little longer so that he could be worthy of that love. He was close. The last time he weighed himself was only a couple of kilos away, if he could just get to his goal he would be worthy, he wouldn’t have to worry.

“Nielie…” He called out softly, watching as his boyfriend crinkled his nose then pretended to be asleep. “Nielie oppa!” he called out cutely, pressing his lips against Daniel’s jaw.

“Morning, baby. How was your sleep?” Daniel asked, not quite awake yet.

“It was great, when did you carry me in here? You could have left me. I was okay with Woojinie. He looked after me quite well, you’d think he was the hyung.” Seongwoo laughed.

Daniels expression faltered for a split second, “It was no bother, I thought you’d like being in your own bed.”

“Well, I do fit between these arms pretty well…” Seongwoo nudged the younger boy, who tightened his grip possessively.

“That you do, baby, that you do.”

“Oh my God. I’m going to throw up.” Jisung voice suddenly interrupted the moment. “Please remember that my unfortunate soul is also trapped in this room with you guys. Come on, we need to go to breakfast in a minute.” He sat up and immediately left the room, leaving the door open as a sign for them to hurry up.

Daniel and Seongwoo both laughed and decided they probably shouldn’t make the others wait. Daniel helped him shuffle slowly to the bathroom, reluctantly letting Seongwoo shut the door.

“I think I can pee on my own. Come on, Niel ah. I’m feeling better every day.”

“Fine. Fine. Call out if anything is up at all.”

Seongwoo didn’t dignify that with a response, just shutting the door in his face. After he finished his other business he decided to check his weight quickly, he was hopeful that the whole ‘unconscious’ thing had helped him a little.

He stood on the scale carefully. He knew that the cast would add some weight but he could work it out. He looked down.

64.5 kg.

_No. No. NO._

Seongwoo stared at the scale, it couldn’t be right. No. even if the cast weighed 2-3kgs he still put all the weight back on. How? No. It couldn’t be.

He got off and got back on, again it flickered then rested at 64.5kg.

Seongwoo was feeling woozy. How did he let his happen? He couldn’t catch his breath and found himself on the floor.

_No. No. NO. God. I can’t._

“Baby, are you- oh God, what happened?” Daniel dropped to his knees beside Seongwoo. His hands cupping his face carefully. “Are you crying? Hyung? Talk to me!”

Seongwoo snapped out of it suddenly registering Daniel’s voice. He tried to compose himself.

“N-nothing, Nielie. I caught the cast on something and tripped. It hurt a bit. I’m fine. Just a cry baby.” He explained, reassuringly.

Daniel sighed in relief, “So clumsy,” he pecked Seongwoo on the lips then helped him up, “come on, let’s eat.”

_Let’s eat? I can’t eat._

Seongwoo let Daniel help him into the living room where everyone was already seated. He made his way towards the empty seat next to Woojin but Daniel got there before him leaving the seat opposite him open. Seongwoo sat down.

“I’m glad everyone’s here. It’s been too long since we all managed to eat together. So, let’s dig in before Jihoon eats everything.” Jisung laughed dodging the spoon that the younger boy threw at him.

Seongwoo stared at the table, everyone began to tear at the food, going for the kimchi jjigae and side dishes and fighting over the meat. His stomach growled in a plea for food. He closed his eyes.

“Here, hyung.” He looked up to see Woojin leaning across the table and placing a bowl of rice in front of him. He wanted to refuse but wasn’t given the chance. The younger boy began to pile different side dishes onto his bowl. “Eat.”

“Thank you.” Seongwoo picked up his chopsticks with trembling fingers. He couldn’t. He began to pick at the food, not eating any of it, moving it around his bowl. He noticed that Woojin was staring at him intently, he got up again moving his chair slightly around the end of the table so he was closer to Seongwoo, he winced as his side brushed the table. The younger boy began pile food onto his spoon before holding it out to Seongwoo.

“Eat.”

He wanted to refuse but he ate it any way. A little food couldn’t hurt, could it?

Woojin continued to feed him for a little while, chatting while he did and Seongwoo ate more than he had planned to but he found that he couldn’t refuse the younger. As their plates grew empty he began to look around to the others when he noticed something.

Daniel was sat facing Jihoon, laughing at something the younger one said. He ruffled his hair and watched as Jihoon ate at a rapid speed.

“How do you even eat that much? You’re so small!” Daniel pinched Jihoon’s cheeks adoringly.

“Ey, hyung, come on. I’m not that small!” Jihoon protested.

“Sure thing, kiddo.” Daniel wiped the corner of Jihoon’s mouth with his thumb, before licking it.

Seongwoo felt nauseous. He stood abruptly, startling Woojin in the process.

“I’m gonna go lie down.”

Daniel glanced over to him, “I’ll help you.”

“No it’s fine. I’ve got it.”

He limped out of the room heading straight to the bathroom. Shutting the door behind him he sunk to the ground, hands pressed over his lips to silence his tears.

_You’re going to lose him. You’re going to lose him to Jihoon._

_Why would he want you?_

Seongwoo didn’t know how long he sat in the bathroom, but he came to a decision. He knew it was dumb but it was the only way. He shuffled towards the toilet, taking a deep breath he stuck two of his fingers to the back of his throat. He began to gag but he didn’t pull away until finally he heaved, throwing up everything he ate. Until he was empty, until his throat burned, until he couldn’t do it anymore. And then there were tears again. He couldn’t believe he just did that. He never thought he would get to this point.

He flushed his mistake, wiped his mouth, then pulled out his phone sending out a single text.

**I need you.**

 

It didn’t take more than a few moments before there was a knock on the door and he was there.

“Hyung…”

Seongwoo didn’t trust himself to form words yet so he just held out his arms. Woojin sunk to the ground beside him and immediately pulled him into his arms. Seongwoo buried his face into Woojin’s shoulder and sobbed. The younger boy held him, stroking his hair and embracing him tightly against his chest.

“It’s okay. Hyung, it’s going to be okay. Cry it all out, this is the last time. You’re not going to cry again. I’m going to protect you.” Woojin pulled back a little, making Seongwoo look at him, “do you hear me, kitten? I’ll protect you like you’re mine.”

“I like that name.” Seongwoo mumbled, looking up at him through his eyelashes.

Woojin wiped the tears from under the older boy’s eyes and smiled, “It suits you.”

He stood up holding out a hand for Seongwoo and helping him to his feet.

“Should we watch a movie?” Woojin asked.

Seongwoo shrugged, opening the door walking straight into a livid Daniel.

 


	11. Chapter 10 - Fallout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daniel explodes. Jihoon explains.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,  
> I know this is a few days later than I said but shit be cray as my break from uni is over in a couple of days. I managed to finish this in the few hours between work and my set reading. (this is not edited so, sorry about that)  
> Also, from the comments in the previous chapter I got that people are really turning on Daniel and I want to reassure you that things will get better... just not right now. hahah  
> Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this and I'll see you in (roughly) a week!! 
> 
> \- Ong Unni

Seongwoo looked up at Daniel with wide eyes. His face was etched with a deep frown, his eyes burning with anger, Seongwoo had never seen him like this.

“Nielie?”

Daniel didn’t respond to him, his eyes fliting down to look at his fingers that were intertwined with Woojin’s, before turning his gaze to the younger boy. Seongwoo didn’t understand why he would be upset; they all held hands, they all cuddled together, they were a family.

“Nielie, what’s wrong?” He tried again, he felt Woojin drop his hand. The air felt thick around him as if something was going on that he didn’t understand.

Daniel grabbed Woojin by the collar and slammed him against the wall, knocking one of the picture frames to the ground. The noise exploded through the dorm.

“Daniel what the hell?” Seongwoo clutched at one of his arms trying to pull him away.

“What the fuck did I tell you, Woojin? What the fuck are you trying to do?” Daniel yelled at the younger boy, shaking him roughly by the collar.

“I didn’t do anything! Get off me!” Woojin yelled back trying to push Daniel away. Seongwoo clung to Daniel’s arm pulling at him uselessly.

“Hyung! Jisung hyung! Help! Someone!” Seongwoo was terrified, he didn’t understand why Daniel was behaving this way.

The others must have heard the commotion because soon everyone piled into the corridor their faces mirroring the shock that Seongwoo felt. The maknae line were kept back by Sungwoon while Jisung and Minhyun rushed over to wrestle Daniel away from Woojin.

“What the hell are you doing, Daniel! Stop this right now!” Jisung yelled, grabbing Daniel’s other arm.

“Daniel get away from him!” Minhyun tried to pull Woojin from his grip.

“Don’t lie to me, Woojin! After last night, after I told you to stay the fuck away from him you’re still trying to steal my boyfriend!” Daniel shouted over the uproar, easily overpowering his two hyungs.

“I’m not trying to do shit. He asked for me-”

“Oh! I’ll get to _him_ in a minute!” Daniel cut through, glaring over his shoulder at Seongwoo. Seongwoo flinched.

“Hey! Leave him alone, he didn’t do anything wrong, I’m just looking after him! Like you should be! He’s falling apart and it’s YOUR FAULT!” Woojin spat back, he didn’t care that he was antagonising Daniel. He was right. “You’re a shit boyfriend!”

Daniel threw back his arm easily dislodging Seongwoo’s grip and causing him to stumble on his cast and fall to the ground. He hesitated for only a second as Guanlin scurried free from Sungwoon and rushed to help Seongwoo up.

“Fuck off, Woojin. You don’t know shit! Don’t try to make excuses for the way you’re trying to act all friendly and then sleep with Seongwoo-”

“What? Like what you’re doing with Jihoon?”

“What? No, that’s-” Jihoon’s protest was unheard as Daniel lost any remaining calm he had.

The group watched in horror as his fist collided with Woojin’s face.

The entire group surged forward, finally managing to wrestle Daniel away from Woojin, who immediately fell to the ground clutching his face. The only one left out of the struggle was Seongwoo who was being held back by a surprisingly strong Guanlin.

“Woojin! Let me go, Guanlin, damn it! This is my fault!” Seongwoo yelled trying wriggle out of Guanlin’s grasp.

“Hyung, you’re already hurt.”

Seongwoo watched helplessly as Jihoon and Daehwi helped Woojin up, trying to get him away from the situation that was still unfolding. The older members were crowded around Daniel who was still trying to get at the younger boy.

_This is your fault._

_This is all your fault._

_You dragged Woojin into this. He’s hurt because of you._

Seongwoo’s thoughts swirled violently around his mind. It was all true. He couldn’t keep pulling his members into his own problems. He was hurting them. He had to do this on his own.

“THAT’S ENOUGH!” Jisung’s voice was sharp, Seongwoo had never heard him sound like that. Evidently, the others hadn’t either, as everything came to a very sudden halt. Even Daniel stopped struggling. “We’re supposed to be a group, we’re supposed to be a family and I don’t know what’s going on here, who’s telling the truth or who’s lying but I have honestly never felt more disgusted with you Kang Daniel. I can’t believe you would hurt one of your friends like that. Get out of my sight right now or I swear, I’ll throw you out of this dorm this very second, fuck the news that will come out. I’ll do it. I won’t have violence under this roof.”

Daniel visibly shrunk with Jisung’s words. He turned and walked into his shared bedroom and slammed the door. Seongwoo’s heart sank. He didn’t even glance at him.

The room exhaled.

“Jihoon ah, Daehwi, help Woojin into the living room so we can look at him.  Guanlin, take Seongwoo to your room. I don’t think he should stay with Daniel for a while. I’m gonna give that boy such a talking to that he’ll wish he was never born.” Jisung instructed, rubbing his face exasperatedly, clearly in shock at the way things got out of hand.

Seongwoo watched as the younger boys helped Woojin into the other room, his face already showing the purpling signs of a massive bruise over one of his eyes. He couldn’t get that image out of his head for the rest of the day, even as he was pulled into the other room and Guanlin tried to distract him. Nothing would work. He could hear Jisung’s voice echo around the house many hours later as he yelled and argued with Daniel. His world was falling apart and it was his own fault.

_Well done, Seongwoo. You’ve fucked everything up._

.

The next few days were hard. Seongwoo wanted to be strong but he had never been closer to giving up; leaving the dorm, leaving the group and leaving everything behind. He was officially moved into the biggest bedroom, Minhyun offered to swap with him thinking it would be the best solution. Daniel was ignoring him, he wouldn’t even glance in his direction, he spent most of his time in his room avoiding seeing him. Seongwoo was ignoring Woojin, not because he was upset, because he knew that the boy had only been hurt because of him. He couldn’t rely on him anymore. He didn’t know what was worse; seeing the way Daniel would tense up when he entered the room, missing the other boy’s laugh, his smile, his hugs or the way Seongwoo knew he was hurting Woojin; the he could see the way the younger looked more and more desperate every time Seongwoo ignored him, or refused his company. He somehow managed to hurt the two people he loved the most at the same time.

Of course, that doesn’t even cover the way the rest of the group was suffering.

Because of him.

Jisung and Daniel were like brothers, they knew each other for the longest time out of all the members and now Jisung hadn’t acknowledged Daniel’s presence in four days. Sungwoon and Minhyun were constantly on edge watching them and Seongwoo and Woojin, trying to mediate any fights that could come up before they happened. Daehwi and Jinyoung locked themselves in their room and would only come out to get food. Jihoon and Woojin hadn’t spoken in days after Woojin’s accusation. Guanlin took to hovering around Seongwoo continuously, as if the older boy would break apart if he looked away for even a second. Jaehwan, well, he was their closest joint friend and he seemed to suffer the most, he didn’t want to show allegiance to either side, so spent most of his time in the studio in order to remain neutral.

 

On the evening of the fifth day Seongwoo heard a short knock on the bedroom door. That was odd. Who knocked in this dorm? He sat up from Minhyun’s – his – new bunk.

“Yes?” He questioned.

For a second his heart soared at the possibility that it was Daniel. It wasn’t.

“Hyung?” Jihoon opened the door, cautiously stepping inside and shutting it behind him. He shuffled his feet for a moment, wringing his hands nervously, “can we talk?”

_Oh. Oh no. Not now._

He did NOT want to talk to Jihoon.

“Jihoon, I really don-” He paused staring at the younger boy for a moment; his eyes were planted firmly on the ground, hands clasped together uncertainly, and an expression that almost seemed… ashamed? Seongwoo sighed, “Come here.”

Jihoon looked up wide eyed, walking over the bed hesitantly. Seongwoo pulled his knees up to his chest, leaving space for Jihoon to sit opposite him. Jihoon did so.

“So, what is it?” He tried to be calm.

“I- look- Hyung, I-” He took one of Seongwoo’s hands in his, “Hyung, there’s absolutely, 100%, nothing going on between me and Daniel hyung. At all. Ever. I’ve been trying to figure out how to face you for the past few days, I hate that you thought there was something happening between us. He’s an older brother to me, just like you are. I would never, NEVER do anything to hurt you, you’re my precious hyung. I love you.”

Seongwoo couldn’t help but smile. Jihoon was never actively the problem, Seongwoo knew he didn’t do anything to consciously hurt him.

“I know, Jihoonie. It’s fine.”

“Hyung, I’m worried about you. I saw you, you know.” Jihoon, moved his hand to Seongwoo’s chest where his ribs were beginning to protrude.  

 “I don’t know what you mean, Jihoonie, I’m okay.” Seongwoo knew exactly what he meant.

“Hyung, don’t. I saw you throwing up last night, hidden in the bathroom. I know it’s not the first time. Woojin told me.”

Seongwoo dropped Jihoon’s hand, he didn’t need this. He was only doing what was necessary. He only threw up when he absolutely couldn’t avoid eating. He only did it a few times. But it was working, he was down to 57kg again, what was the harm?

“Look, I don’t know who Woojin thinks he is, talking to people on my behalf-”

“He’s your friend and he’s worried, so is everyone else. You stopped letting him get near you of course he’s going to ask us to look after you. He told me and that’s it. Guanlin knows too, I think he worked that out himself, but the poor kid hasn’t slept properly in days. I catch him sometimes getting up in the middle of the night and sitting by your bed to make sure you’re okay. We all love you please don’t hurt yourself.” Jihoon ranted before catching Seongwoo staring at him with an odd expression. “What, what is it? Did I say something wrong?”

“No, it’s- it’ just I always imagined this, you know, being a part of a group, being a family-” his voice trembled, as he fought the urge to tear up, “having someone who loves me- I lucked out so much and managed to land both of those things with one group… and somehow I’m messing it all up.”

“No, you’re not. Okay? We all love you and we are never going to stop loving you and you need to know that Daniel hyung loves you too. He’s crazy about you, possibly too crazy, but it will all work out.” Jihoon pulled him into a fierce hug.

Seongwoo hugged back, his thoughts were a mess but he realised one thing he could believe at least.

_Your friends do love you._

“Hyung, can you do something for me?” Jihoon asked as they pulled away.

“What is it?”

“Please talk to Woojin. He’s really hurting. You’re his favourite hyung and he just wants to help you.” Jihoon reasoned.

“I’m the reason he was hurt.”

“No, Daniel hyung’s stupidity is the reason. Please, I hate seeing him like this.”

“You really care about him, huh.”

Jihoon unexpectedly blushed at his words.

“In more ways than one apparently…” Seongwoo broke into a knowing smile.

“Hyung!” Jihoon whined, “I don’t!”

“You so do!!” Seongwoo laughed, “It’s okay, you know, no one is gonna judge, everyone was fine with me and Daniel, and let’s be honest even if Daehwi and Jinyoung don’t admit it we all know they are together.”

Jihoon sighed, “I know, it’s just, I don’t know if I should tell him. I thought, maybe he liked me too but recently I’m not sure.”

“Don’t be silly, I’m sure Woojin likes you too. You guys would be so adorable together!” Seongwoo ruffled Jihoon’s hair, “you should tell him.”

Jihoon bit his lip, conflicted, “I’ll think about it, maybe you’re right. He’s shy when it comes to these things… how about this? I’ll confess, after you start talking to him again. If he’s going to accept me, I don’t think it will happen if he’s upset. Deal?”

“Okay, deal.”

Seongwoo and Jihoon shook hands with a laugh. The door was thrown open at that moment and Guanlin slumped in mumbling a quick ‘hello’ before collapsing on his bed exhaustedly.

“Right, I have to go help Minhyun hyung with dinner.” Jihoon excused himself and the room grew silent once again.

Seongwoo shuffled off his bed, limped over to Guanlin and flopped onto the bed beside him.

“Hyung?” Guanlin cracked open one eye in confusion, “are you okay?”

“I’m perfect. You giant dork.” Seongwoo slung his arm across Guanlin’s chest and pulled the maknae into a bone-crushing hug. “You’re a good kid, you know that, right? If I had a younger brother like you I’d be very happy”

“You don’t need another younger brother, you have me.” Guanlin hugged him back.

“That’s true. I do have you, what more could I want.” Seongwoo smiled, content for the first time in days.  

 


	12. Chapter 11 - Bruised Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seongwoo makes amends, Woojin makes mistakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,  
> .... if anyone is still here.  
> I am so SO sorry about how long its been but uni has been kicking my ass. I've barely had time to rest let alone write anything for the past month. But I've had a snow day for the past three days so I managed to get this chapter out before I get dragged back into work and essays.  
> This is shorter than my usual chapters but I just wanted to get something out so you all know this isn't abandoned. I will try to update more frequently, it definitely wont be another month till the next one.  
> I promise! 
> 
> \- Ong Unni

Woojin was woken by the feeling of the bed dipping and a quiet figure slipping under the duvet beside him. He was startled but instantly calmed when he felt familiar arms wrap around his waist. He couldn’t stop the grin that sprung to his lips.

“Hyung?” He asked gently. The older boy hadn’t looked at him yet, keeping his eyes low and his limbs loose, “hyung, please look at me. I missed you.”

“I can’t.”

He heard a mumble.

“And why not?”

 No response.

Woojin sighed, “hey, kitten… come on, look at me…” he placed a finger under the older boy’s chin and tilted, till finally their eyes met, “I missed your pretty eyes.”

Seongwoo was frowning, “I don’t want to see you when you’re hurt, especially when it’s my fault.” He gently traced the area around Woojin’s purple eye.

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“Yeah, it was…”

“You didn’t punch me, Daniel hyung did.” Woojin laughed. Seongwoo looked like he wanted to argue, “please, let’s not argue about this okay. I’m just glad you’re talking to me now.”

Seongwoo looked so guilty, his lips forming an unintentionally adorable pout.

“Woojinie, I’m so sorry. I just- I’m a mess right now. I don’t know what to do. I’ve ruined everything. He’s never going to speak to me again.”

Woojin pulled him in, flush against his chest, breathing in the sweet scent he’d missed for almost a week.

“Don’t think like that kitten, he will. Daniel hyung will realise that you did nothing wrong. I promise. And if he doesn’t then that’s on him and I will be here for you in any way you need me. I’ll look after you.”

Seongwoo hugged him back just as fiercely burying his head in the younger boy’s chest.

“Woojin ah, I can’t live without him. I won’t.” Seongwoo sounded so sincere, it felt like someone was twisting a knife into Woojin’s heart.

He knew he was in trouble. He was in too deep. Seongwoo would never love him. He was beginning to understand why one sided love was so poisonous. He remembered reading stories about made up diseases that people in one sided loves would get, how it would kill them if their love wasn’t returned. He scoffed at that.

Why would he need flower petals to choke him when Seongwoo’s words were enough to kill him slowly?

He bit his lip as he looked down at the boy in his arms; his beautiful face pressed against him, fingers clinging to his t-shirt his life depended on it.

It would be so easy to just lean in and kiss him.

Just screw everything and kiss him. Love him.

But no.

He drew a deep breath as he intertwined their fingers.

“Don’t say things like that, kitten. Everything’s going to be okay.” He pressed a soft kiss onto the older boy’s wrist.

That would have to be enough.

He brushed his thumb along his wrist, noting how easy it was for him to wrap his hand around it.

“Are you eating okay?” He asked cautiously.

Seongwoo didn’t respond.

“Kitten,”

“I eat.”

Woojin knew what that meant. He tried to keep an eye on the older boy over the past few days but it got increasingly difficult as he would go out of his way to avoid him. He had hoped that Jihoon and Guanlin would be able to keep him in check but he couldn’t rely on them so much.

“Right, get up.” He sat up in the bed, reluctantly letting the older boy go.

“Huh?” Seongwoo whined. It was the middle of the night after all.

“Now, come on.” Woojin stepped out of the bed and pulled Seongwoo by the hand towards the bathroom. The older stumbled along behind him.

“On the scale, please, kitten.” Woojin closed the door behind him and turned to face the now wide eyed Seongwoo.

“Uhhh, no. That’s fine. I’m fine.” He shook his head adamantly.”

“I’m trying to help you.”

“I don’t nee- hey, what are you doing!”

Seongwoo was interrupted when Woojin lifted him easily by the waist and put him down on the scale.

“I-”

“Stay.”

Seongwoo hesitated like he wanted to argue but in the end stood still on the scale.

Woojin look down in horror as the red marker rose before stopping between 53 and 54kg.

“Hyung…” Woojin knew his voice sounded pained but he couldn’t help it. He pulled the older boy into a hug willing himself not to cry. “Hyung, what’re you doing to yourself?”

Seongwoo let himself be hugged, basking in the warmth he had missed over the past few days. The truth was he didn’t know what he was doing anymore. He was too tired to think, his body ached; he wasn’t even sure if it was hunger anymore, it was just a constant numbness that ran through his body.  He couldn’t stop either. It was like he was on autopilot, the taste of bile that coated his mouth after being sick became a permanent bitterness he had somehow gotten used to.

Woojin finally pulled away, sniffling and looking away as he swiped at his eyes to be discrete.

“Take off the sweater.” He ordered, taking a step back and folding his arms.

“What? Woojinie-” Seongwoo stopped arguing when he saw the distraught expression on Woojin’s face. With a sigh and shaking limbs he lifted the bulky sweater over his head and dropped it onto the floor.

Woojin couldn’t hold the gasp that left his lips.

Seongwoo’s was still littered with bruises from his accident, they were now yellowing and stood out from the alabaster of his skin. His once soft tummy was unnaturally flat and his ribs protruded prominently. Woojin bit his lip, he didn’t know what to say or what to do.

His fingers hesitantly ghosted over one of the large bruises that painted the length of his collar bone, he glanced up at the older boy checking that this was okay. Seongwoo nodded slowly. His thumb grazed across the bruise, then let his fingers trace down the ridges of his ribs, till finally his hands were on the older boy’s waist. He hated how small he looked in his hands.

He needed to fix this, he needed to get help.

“Hyung, this can’t continue. I’m not going to let it. I’m going to go get Jisung hyung right now.” Woojin shook his head in exasperation.

“Jisung hyung won’t make a difference… I just need Daniel. I need him to love me.” Seongwoo shrugged on his jumper.

 _Daniel. Damn it. Fucking Daniel._ Woojin was losing his mind. Daniel was a moron who didn’t deserve Seongwoo.

“Hyung, please listen to me.” He took Seongwoo’s face into his hands, “Please, please, listen to me. You don’t need him. If he’s going to ignore you like this, you don’t need him at all. So many people love you. The fans, the members… I- I do too, I love you, hyung.” Woojin said the last part softly, moving in closer until he was only inches from the older boy.

“It’s different.” Seongwoo mumbled.

Woojin winced, taking a deep breath, his heart rattling in his chest as he stroked his thumb over Seongwoo’s constellation of moles.

“It’s not… th-the way I love you, it’s not different.” Woojin spoke carefully watching as Seongwoo’s eyes widened as he finally got what the younger boy was implying.

There was a moment of silence which Woojin swore felt like a lifetime. Yet neither of them moved.

_Well this is it… now or never. Do it._

Woojin leaned in, he was close enough to count the lashes that fanned around the older boy’s large almond shaped eyes, he could feel his shaky breath tickling his face. His lips barely brushed against the elder’s when his sense came flooding back.

_Woojin, what are you doing?_

Woojin jumped away from the older boy, guilt and shame filled every inch of his body. What _was_ he doing? The boy he loved was spiralling and he was trying to kiss him in his moment of confusion. He was supposed to help him not take advantage.

“I- I’m sorry. I don’t-” Seongwoo stumbled on his words seemingly dazed.

“No! No, hyung. This is on me. I shouldn’t have done that… I know, you don’t. I’m an idiot.” He apologised profusely.

He needed to set this right.

“Let’s go back and sleep.” He said opening the door back out into the hallway.

Once they were back in the bedroom Woojin walked over to Guanlin’s bed, but was pulled back before he could wake the maknae.

“What’re you doing?” Seongwoo whispered, confused.

“I-I just thought you might not want to sleep with me, after, you know…” Woojin trailed off.

“Don’t be stupid, it doesn’t change anything, unless you don’t want to?”

“No, no, I do.”

Of course, Woojin wanted to sleep with Seongwoo in his arms. Especially considering, this would probably be the last time. After the next day, Seongwoo may never need to sleep with him again.

Woojin slipped under his duvet and Seongwoo followed, wasting no time with curling up into the younger boy’s side, Woojin let him use his arm like a pillow, wrapping his other arm around the older boy’s slender waist. He buried his nose in Seongwoo’s hair taking in the soothing scent of the boy who would never be his.

"Goodnight, my kitten." 

.

The next morning, Woojin spent most of his time at breakfast making sure that Seongwoo ate something. Once everything was packed up and Daehwi and Jinyoung began on this dishes Woojin pulled Guanlin aside and explaining the events of the previous night, leaving out the almost kiss. He made sure that Guanlin would watch Seongwoo like a hawk. As long as Seongwoo had someone to watch him for a bit, he could handle the rest. He would fix this for him. Even if it killed him to do so.

He waited until the others were distracted and he left the living room walking quickly down the corridor to the bedroom labelled ‘Adults Only’ and knocked, before he could change his mind.

He could hear shuffling, before the door was cracked open, revealing a disgruntled Daniel. His eyes instantly narrowed when he saw Woojin.

“What do _you_ want?”

“We need to talk.”

 


	13. Note

Hi everyone, 

If anyone is still waiting on this story I just want to say I am really sorry for how long it has been since the last update. 

I am currently a masters student and I have just had an impossible amount of work to get through and I really didn't have time to do any writing and it just sucked. I love this story and I really want to finish it... I've just been under so much stress. Even when I had a couple of moments to breath I've just been drowning in writers block. It's not been fun. 

It's currently Easter break and I don't have any major submissions for a little while so I really want to get back into this story. 

I've been working on what I want to happen in the next chapter and I promise I'll have it out latest in the next week at most. 

I really, really, hope people haven't given up on this, it's not abandoned i swear! 

To anyone who is still interested I want to know your opinions on something: 

The original endgame for this story was always OngNiel but I've seen a lot of comments swaying in Woojin's favour, what do you think? Should Woojin win in the end? ( I wont promise to change my opinion but I want to see what you all think. ) 

Finally, I've caved and made a twitter account @AuthorUnniOng I think it will be a much better way to communicate with you all if I get snowed under again or if i want you guy's opinion. It's also a way for me to avoid dropping massive author notes every so often instead of communicating.

If you wanna follow me, I promise to follow back and respond to any comments you have. 

That's all for now! 

\- Ong Unni 


	14. Chapter 12 - Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some hearts are broken and others begin to heal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys,   
> firstly i really want to say thank you to everyone who left all those nice comments on my note a couple weeks ago. I was really stressed/worried but everyone was really supportive tbh   
> secondly I really hope you all enjoy this chapter, while i cannot promise when the next one will be, i do promise that there will definitely be a next chapter,
> 
> thanks again,  
> \- Ong Unni

Woojin hit the road running.

After his conversation with Daniel, Woojin was in a daze. He toed on his shoes, ignoring the confused calls from the older members he pulled on his hoodie and left.

He needed to get out. He needed to leave the dorm. He needed to the away from him.

From them.

His conversation with Daniel swam in his mind as he ran down the endless alleyways that surrounded their dorm.

_“He needs you. He loves you… only you.”_

_“I don’t trust you, how do I know nothing happened between you two?”_

He willed himself not to cry as the wind swept across his face, his run faltering as he remembered his own words.

_“You know Seongwoo hyung better than any of us, would he do that to you? Would he hurt you? Would he love anyone but you?”_

Would he love anyone but Daniel?

Woojin knew the answer to that.

He let himself collapse behind a convenience store not too far from the dorm. His head in his hands. He knew that what he did was right, even if it made him want to die. He snapped Daniel out of it… at least he hoped Daniel would snap out of it.

He thought about what the older boy said to him as he left the room.

_“I’ve been an idiot, haven’t I?”_

Woojin wanted to punch him in the face.

“Been an idiot?” Woojin yelled as no one in particular, “Been an idiot? You HURT him. You bastard!” He kicked over some crates that were piled beside him.

He began to pace, unable to calm himself.

“God damn it! Nations centre? I wonder how they would feel if they knew how much you hurt your own member?” He punched the wall, immediately wincing at the impact.

“Fuck! Fuck! Fu-” he felt the dam break as the tears he had been trying to hold onto burst free.

He fell back to his knees clutching his hand.

That was when he heard a voice.

“Woojin ah?”

 

.

“Woojin ah?”

The words tumbled from his lips as he sprinted over to the other boy dropping painfully to his knees beside him.

“Woojin ah, what are you doing? What’s wrong?” Jihoon asked, panic and confusion evident in his voice. Woojin didn’t look up, cradling his hand to his chest. “Woojin ah, please… you hurt yourself, let me look at it at least.”

Jihoon didn’t understand what was going on… he didn’t really understand Woojin these days. The Woojin he knew, the Woojin he became friends with, became partners-in-crime with, the Woojin he liked more than anyone should like their friends, that Woojin seemed to be fading. They barely got any time together and any time they did was spent with him fretting over Seongwoo. Jihoon understood, of course he did, he was worried about Seongwoo too but Woojin seemed to be in physical pain every time he looked at the older boy. He didn’t want to think about what that could mean.

 And now this?

He followed Woojin from the dorm but lost him along the way, only to find this.

Woojin hesitated before releasing his hand form his chest.

Jihoon gasped. Woojin’s hand was bleeding from several large cuts where he split the skin on his knuckles, smaller scratches were dotted around the larger ones, Jihoon couldn’t tell if it was broken or not.

“Why?” A quiet plea for explanation burst from him. His chest felt heavy as he bit his trembling lip. He hated seeing Woojin like this… he hated it so much. He took the other boy’s hand in his as gently as he could, feeling the slight tremor.

“Why? Woojin ah, why?” He voice was louder now, his heart clenching.

Woojin finally looked up at him. Jihoon almost wished he hadn’t. Woojin looked distraught, tears spilt from his eyes leaving fresh tracks down his tanned face.

“I can’t- I can’t deal with this. It hurts, Jihoon ah.” Woojin’s voice was gravelly.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Jihoon used his sleeve to wipe at the tears, “I’m going to get you back, Minhyun hyung will probably be able to bandage this right up. You’re going to be okay.” He comforted, trying to gently see if any bones were broken.

“No, not this.” Woojin clasped onto Jihoon’s hand, stopping his basic attempt at nursing. “My heart. My heart hurts so much, I can’t- I can’t- it hurts.”

Jihoon stared at the younger boy, looking into the dark honey eyes he loved, trying to figure out what the younger was talking about.

“Whatever it is I’ll help you. It’ll be okay.”

_Whatever it is, I’ll move the earth and sun to help you Woojin ah…_ He thought tightening his grip on Woojin’s uninjured hand.

“It’s hopeless.”

“Tell me.”

Woojin seemed to hesitate even further but in the end, he gave in.

“I- I know it’s wrong. I know I’m being stupid…”

Jihoon nodded for him to continue.

“I know he has a boyfriend but I can’t help it.”

Jihoon’s heart stopped.

“I love him, Jihoon ah. Seongwoo hyung, I love him and I know it’s stupid. He loves Niel hyung but I can’t help it…”

“Oh…” _Oh…_

Jihoon couldn’t hear anymore, his face fell.

_Of course, of course, he loves Seongwoo hyung. It makes sense. How did I not see it? You’re an idiot Jihoon._

“God, you think I’m an asshole, don’t you? Who falls in love with their hyung’s boyfriend?” Woojin was clearly beginning to worry, pulling away from Jihoon who was still struggling to control his expression.

Jihoon snapped out of it when he saw the younger boy’s face. He couldn’t do this now. He had to be strong. For Woojin.

“No. No, course not.” He pulled him into a hug, practically pulling him into his lap. Woojin seemed to calm a little hugging him back tightly, burying his head in the crook of Jihoon’s neck. Jihoon hoped he couldn’t feel the way his heart pounded. “It’s going to be okay. You aren’t an asshole. You…” He began to run his fingers through the younger boy’s hair. “You can’t control who you fall in love with.”

“I did a good thing, yet I hate it.”

“What did you do?”

“I talked to Niel hyung so he would talk to Ki- ah, I mean Seongwoo hyung again.”

“Ki?” He shouldn’t have asked.

Woojin smiled almost mournfully, “Kitten, Seongwoo hyung let me call him my kitten.”

“Ah.” Jihoon swallowed, he needed to get Woojin back to the dorm so he could find somewhere and scream.

He almost laughed at the situation, it was funny in a morbid way… Seongwoo was so worried he would steal Daniel, when it was the older boy who had taken Woojin from him without even trying.  

“You did do good. Even if it hurts now, it will pass and I’ll be there to help you get over this.” Jihoon managed to comfort.

Woojin finally managed a small but sincere smile. “Thank you, I love you, Hoonie. You know that, right? Honestly, you’re my best friend.”  

Jihoon hated the way his heart fluttered. “Of course, I- uh, I love you too.” He tried not to stumble over his words. Woojin was luckily oblivious or chose not to comment on the hesitation or the way his face had heated up.

“Right, maybe we should go back.”

“Yeah,” Jihoon stood, dusting himself off and helped Woojin up.

There was a heavy pause as the two stared at one another.

“You know what? No. We aren’t going back.” Jihoon declared suddenly before he could stop himself.

“We aren’t?”

“No. You need a day off from everyone. I don’t want you to go back and see them just yet. Here’s what we’re gonna do. We are gonna get you some bandages from the store, then I’m gonna text Jisung hyung that we’re skipping practice and then we are turning our phones off going somewhere.”

Woojin stared at him for a moment as if trying to read his mind. His smile grew, showing off his snaggletooth. “Where?”

“Anywhere you want.” Jihoon took Woojin’s uninjured hand and began to walk.

“Anywhere sounds good.”

..

Daniel paced around is room.

If Woojin was telling the truth, he was an idiot. Worse than an idiot he was an ass. An ass who hurt the one person who would never hurt him. The one person who loved him for him, with or without the fame.

_“He wanted to be perfect for you. He isn’t eating. He’s sick. You don’t know how much everything you say affects him.”_

He fucked up. He fucked up big time and he didn’t know how to face it. 

He stopped pacing and dropped onto his bed, curling onto his side and stared at the bunk that used to be Seongwoo’s.

Their initials were scratched into the one of the posts; it was Seongwoo who did that. It was one night just after they had moved in, a couple of days after they got together, Daniel half-heartedly tried to stop him knowing they would probably be in trouble, but the older boy had told him _‘These bunks will be here long after Wanna One and those new produce debut’s kids should know that OSW <3 KDN.’_

Daniel smiled at the memory.

He didn’t deserve Seongwoo.

He looked around the room at the walls their memories were pinned on. The selfies from their secret dates, cinema tickets, a dried flower Daniel gave Seongwoo from every date they had been on. There was so much of them around him and Seongwoo was the one who collected it all. He kept everything.

How could Daniel doubt him?

He was everything Woojin called him and worse.

He needed to do something.

He got up and left the room, for the first time in over a week.

The dorm was more deserted than he expected, he knew half the members had practice, Jisung, Minhyun and Guanlin had a radio schedule, he wasn’t sure about the 99’ line but he was glad that most people seemed to be out.

He knew Seongwoo would still be in the dorm, he was still recovering and the manager put him on house arrest. He thought the best place to look would be the big bedroom.

A mumble distracts him.

“Who’s there?” A voice comes from a bundle of blankets in the living room.

Daniel walks over, “It’s- uh, it’s just me.”

He sees a familiar mop of soft black hair and almond shaped eyes peek over the edge of the blanket.

“Oh… hi.”

“Hi.”

Seongwoo’s eye widened, “You’re talking to me?” His voice was soft; the hurt was evident.

In that moment Daniel hated himself.

He didn’t know how to reply to that so he asked, “Can I sit?”

Seongwoo nodded tucking his legs under himself and moved the blankets. Daniel gasped at the older boy’s appearance. His clothes were hanging off him, his collar bones protruding heavily and his skin was a sickly pale colour.

“Seongwoo, what-”

“I’m fine.”

“No, no, you’re not and it’s my fault.” Daniel couldn’t bear it.

“Daniel-”

“Please, hear me out.” He slid over so their thighs were pressed together, he missed the contact. The way Seongwoo felt pressed against him.

 He missed Seongwoo.

Seongwoo, looked at him expectantly, an almost desperate expression on his face. He went to speak but he was interrupted.

“Daniel, if you’re going to formally break up with me please don’t drag it out. I’m not sure how much more I can take.” His voice made Daniel’s heart ache.

“No. God, I could never break up with you. Seongwoo, I love you. I love you and I’m sorry. I’m a fucking idiot.” He said taking the older boy’s hand in his.

“What?” Seongwoo looked shocked.

“Woojin talked to me. Well, he talked some sense into me but that’s not the point, he shouldn’t have had to. I should have trusted you, I should have looked after you and all I did was make you hurt yourself.”

“You still like me?”

“I love you. I always loved you.” Daniel leaned in and kissed Seongwoo. Their lips met and Daniel felt like he found an oasis after being lost in a desert. His hands cupped the older boy’s face gently, thumb running over the three-pointed constellation that he adored so much. After an agonising moment, he felt Seongwoo kiss back. It was gentle, a cautious kiss but Daniel felt his heart soar.

They broke apart and Daniel grinned as Seongwoo leaned forward, chasing the kiss, unwilling to separate. The older boy finally smiled back at him, his eyes were still tired but he vowed to change that, whatever it took.

He knew there was still a lot for him to apologise for, for him to fix but at least it was a start.

“Come here, baby.” He pulled Seongwoo into his arms and lay on his side letting the older curl into his chest. His fingers clung to the front of his shirt and his head was buried in his shoulder.

“Please don’t leave me again.” There was a crack in the elder’s voice that he tried to hide but it won over in the end his shoulders shaking as tiny whimpers escaped his lips.

Daniel tightened his arms around Seongwoo as he felt his shirt moistening, he gently rubbed his back. “I’m here. I’m not going to leave again. I promise. I love you.”

“H- how do I know th- that?”

“I’m going to make you believe it. I promise.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a twitter @AuthorUnniOng   
> it would be really nice if you could follow it, we can fangirl about ongniel together or you could badger me to write the next chapter or send me prompts.   
> anything is fine, ill always follow back :)

**Author's Note:**

> As always Comments/Kudos/Criticisms are appreciated!  
> See you next week!  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/AuthorUnniOng)  
> [CuriousCat](https://curiouscat.me/AuthorUnniOng)


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